Tuesday, March 25, 2003

What is Normal When A Child Has Been Through All Of This?

It is looking like I am making more of an issue about some of the things that are going on. Advice I get suggests that this kind of stuff is normal for a child who has been through everything our little girl has been.

I can't even imagine how hard this must be for such a little child. She seems to act like she understands everything that is going on--but, how could a little girl this young really understand what it means to get "new parents" and what it means to say "Goodbye" from your mother? On top of it all living in a Foster Home that it seems to be clear didn't fit her well. Or something--because if these were the kinds of things that were happening--no one bothered to get her help or even document it. To me there is a huge difference between tantrums that last a little too long--and the complete melt-downs we see.

I also notice that she reacts like I am going to back-hand her or something. She will flinch away when she is starting to act up--as if I am about to smack her. I have no idea where this reaction comes from--but, it wasn't noted in her file so apparently no one else has seen this? Or we are the first? This afternoon I was picking up the toys in her room and lifted her guitar up--she responded to me like I was holding it in the air threatening to beat her with it... ODD! And clearly Post Traumatic Stress. Clearly she has been hit with hands and things... We know she witnessed a lot of domestic violence. But, no remarks from the foster home about these kinds of responses. You would think that something like this would be documented.

Inappropriate Behaviors—Makala demanded that Tori and her boyfriend kiss each other in front of her…..of course they did not.

School—We had a meeting with all the ‘important’ players in the group—the counselor, teachers, special ed teacher and someone else—Basically the whole group seemed to miss the fact that I had some real concerns…. They presented us with a behavior plan…it was pitiful and of practical uselessness for what we needed. It is clear that back surgery was a failure--I still cannot feel my left leg or foot.

How long does a child have a tantrum? Isn't 4-6 hours a little long? And do most kids tear the house apart? Kick--bite--scratch--hit--spit??? Is this stuff normal for a tantrum? It is killing us and making it very hard to even want to be nice.... It all ends so fast for her and takes us hours to get over...We are tired and sort of feeling some deep anger toward her....Is is hard to see her good side right now it is hard to even see her as the pretty little girl she is.

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