Thursday, July 22, 2004

"They didn't love me."

Some of the literature I have been reading also leads me to believe she is stuck in some of her grieving stages and mostly about the Foster Family and the fact they didn't fall in love with her and want to keep her.... No amount of rational talking will change her feeling that she 'did her best to make them love her.'

There might also be some sibling issues here. She was only with Birthmom for 6-weeks after the baby was born and the removal happened the same day that birthmom blammed her for covering the baby up with blankets on the bed.... she has spoken about her feelings there....Then in Foster care she was isolated from much contact with the baby....so many of her sibling issues are being addressed now...It can be hard to be the big sister (I know because I have 2-little brothers). Makala has made some remarks in the past about us only wanting her brother and being stuck with her too.... But those feelings I am sure mostly came from the Foster home because they wanted to adopt him and not her....It has been a little while since she has made this remark but I am learning that Makala goes in circles with some of this stuff--I would not be surprised if this remark comes up again soon.I have been amazed at her memory of the past--it seems to remain so clear to her.

The therapists has also pointed out to me that children with RAD tend to notice every little detail and we have sure seen this....I have also learned that many children who were abused have a hyper-sensitive memory. My Father was very abused as the 4th of 8 children and talks about the fact that even at 60 years old he has vivid memories of early childhood before he was out of the crib. Makala talks about remembering diapers and very very early baby things as if she actually remembers it all and in some ways I believe she must because these stories do not change over time....Where as some of her other stories do change and she forgets details but there are some that are etched into her mind....

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