Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Keeping my mouth shut.

Today has gone very well..... We met at the therapists office as mom and dad without the kiddos...and it was wonderful. DH has this inner hope that all of this will just suddenly stop--but, he is also intelligent enough to recognize good suggestions and try new things... The book "99 Ways To Drive Your Child Sane" came today Wow that is a great read because it makes the parent know they really are not all alone!!!! I am all right about trying a few new ideas...

Today was funny because I tried the idea of having a Tantrum Contest...When she started to throw a fit--I said, "Oh Goody a tantrum---lets have a contest--I bet I can scream louder and longer then you can...." and I started.................her reaction this time was to Stop and then try to get me to stop!!! How funny but guess what--the tantrum was over right then--so in a way I won today huuuuummmmm this attachment stuff is upside down and thankfully by the end of the day I was finally starting to feel like 'I wanted to engage with her...." that really is a major improvement because yesterday I really didn't even want to interact at all and I know that is not a good thing....

I know for sure that the father of my older kids is a RAD baby..... We got married at 18 and I lived with RAD for 14 years and now I know why the 'normal' way of relating was not possible.... I sort of feel bad because now I think that I could have learned how to help him......I guess that wasn't what a wife should have to do---and that is why I really pray Makala makes it to the healing side... It is so painful to imagine adult life with this kind of trauma not being dealt with in a healthy way....

Gosh I used to think he had some master plot written in a secret meeting where I was selected to be the one they drove crazy! Honestly an adult who does not have the right kind of help is a sight to behold and so difficult to love.... Sometimes it really does seem like there is a real plan to their mission to drive us over the edge. Makala has been able to strum my buttons just as magically as my oldest son and Tori's father learned to do.... My relationship with their father still includes button pushing... in fact the only real communication we have is by phone maybe twice a month and no matter what, it always includes some kind of dig or jab from him.... It is sad that he has this problem...

Our Children do grow up and they need to be healthy so they can have long and happy relationships with their spouses and children too... That is really what I personally have to focus on... Makala is still young and there is so much hope that we can get beyond this stuff.... I keep telling myself that I have had all those years of experience with a RAD person....and I have tried all the tricks once before--they didn't work and here is a whole list of things I didn't try--because I didn't know what they even were.... Now I have a chance to help someone...who is still ripe to be helped.

I am usually the mom who talks too much and is pretty open to conversation about just about anything.... But, I was never a mom who didn't add my own commentary---and my own opinions... I always did a lot of talking with my oldest son and Tori--and it was pleasant conversations... not circles and meaningless questions...and not getting it.... The hard part is not talking too much for me.... I have been doing VERY well on my facial expressions today--I have tried to keep a pleasant expression on my face....

No comments:

Post a Comment

New Memories -- Blog Tags

abuse (1) acceptance (3) adoptee (1) Adoption (1) Adoption Committee (1) Adoptive Parent (3) AdoptiveParentsNetwork.com (3) Advocate (4) Alcohol-Related Neurodevelopmental Disorders (ARND) (18) anxiety (2) At Risk (1) Attachment (3) Attachment Disorder (2) Attachment Therapy (AT) (10) Attorney (1) Behaviors (2) Bill of Rights for Children's Mental Health Disorders and their Families (1) birth mom (5) boundaries (4) Case Worker (3) Child Identification (1) Child Rights (1) Christian (1) Christmas 2008 (1) communication (1) consequences (4) Contact (1) DHS (4) diagnosis (4) Disruption (2) Dissolution (1) divorce (3) documentation (1) domestic violence (3) door alarm (2) DSM IV (1) eating disorders (1) employment (2) Family (2) family preservation (2) FASD Resource (2) Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders (FASD) (24) foster family (3) Foster Home (3) Fund Raisers (2) Funding (1) goodbye (2) grief (3) home (3) Home Study (1) honeymoon (2) impulsive behaviors (3) Individual Education Plan (IEP) (15) loss (2) Marty (4) Medicaid (1) medication (6) mental health (4) mental health services (2) Missing Children (2) Mt Hood Oregon (2) Nancy Thomas (1) negative attention (3) Neurobiology (1) Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) (2) oxytocin (1) Parent Advocate (2) Parental Rights (1) parenting (4) police (2) Post Adoption Family Therapy (1) Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) (1) processing (3) propaganda (2) RAD Cult (6) RAD Mom (7) RAD Research (2) Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) (23) Research (8) Residential Treatment Center (1) Residential Treatment Center (RTC) (3) Resource (9) Respite (1) Safety (1) School (10) Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) (1) secondary behavior (1) Services (1) sexualized behaviors (4) short term memory (1) social (2) special education (7) Special Needs (2) Statewide Action for Family Empowerment (SAFE) (1) stealing (1) symptoms (2) tantrums and rages (4) Termination of Parental Rights (TPR) (1) The Brain (2) therapist (4) time outs (4) transition (8) Triangulation (1) Trust (1) Understanding Attachment (1) Understanding FASD (6) vacation (6) violence (2) Washington (2) website (9) When Love Is Not Enough (1) wraparound (1)