Thursday, August 05, 2004

More Mom Chatter

I should clarify how the therapist intended to say she was affraid it would end up as residential treatment--She was saying it in a way that she was affriad WE would go that direction or that someone in the system would want to point us in that direction. and that she would rather have 'this' happen then RTC be wanted or taken.....

Actually, if I can think clearly enough and write better this thrapists seems to hit a lot of nails on the head! We had already talked about how Makala would love it if I left and she had daddy to herself... and we have been starting some things to work on that area.... Including the threrapsits setting up some meetings with both parents....

We will have one next week.... DH has not had much contact with her and right now he is a little untrusting of the therapy because of the weight gain--he sees the weight as a possible lifetime issue and unhealthy....DH considers that to be a strike.... He is also annoyed that if she anticipated this kind of situation coming up why didn't she advise us?.... all I can do is point out that we WERE ADVISED that something like this could be antisipated all the time during training, and in everything we have read.....

I personally have been looking at myself and some of my reactions and my own parenting styles to see what I can change in myself too....

Personality and upbringing taught me that "Athority" always gets the 'last word'..... With Makala that is impossible and so I am trying to see things different and say that I will be OK with things if I am happy with getting "My Own Last Word"....even if it is not the last sound I hear about something.....

The therapists suggests that I learn to say "Bummer" a lot and just stop talking.... She is right because it has always been my mouth that gets me into trouble and for once in my life I need to learn how to shut up.... I can do it---I can do it---I can do it--- I just tried it with the college kids who had to start a political argument...I have one Rush Limbaugh conservative republican child and another---Peace loving, liberal democrate....WOW---all could say was 'Bummer' surprisingly they got the point....knowing I am working on this to help Makala.....

It was actually a good exercise for me.

The other thing I know I must take care of about myself is my facial expressions...Apparently, I would never make a good poker player because I have very animated facial expressions... When my oldest son and Tori were little I could send them a message across the room with "A Look" --knock it off---come here---nice job---I disaprove....whatever and they got me---and responded.Makala--has said she doesn't like some of my expressions (I can't blame her) so I am very VERY much working on trying to NOT use "Looks"....

Makala is not the first person who has had a problem....I was once nearly fired from a job for a "look" I had on my face! So I have been keeping a mirrior arond to see just how bad I really am..... My father had some faces too and I can remember not likeing it much....

I am also going to take the advice for some relaxation tactics. I have needed to learn and use many different relaxation methods in my life and I had already decided this was a great time to start doing them more often. Little brother started biting his nails about 2 months ago and he seems to have some nervous habits 'grinding teeth' so the more the merrier!!! Daddy is so high strung he cannot even feel a back rub--so maybe it can calm him down too.... Daddy is ALWAYS doing something.... he works hard and he plays a lot with the children he always has a project going on and he is not the kind who comes home from work and sits down....he goes from one project to the next and keeps busy.... In a structured way but the man is on the go all the time.

Anyway--we see Makala again tonight. and have the meeting in the morning.I hate to think of it being horrible after she gets home. We do have door alarms set up. Walgreens actually sells some portable ones we took on vacation for a low price and they are great.I am not sure what we are going to do about the trip to Illinois we are suposed to fly Aug 16! I know once we get there my Aunt and mom and step dad will be there and all of them are exactly the right people to be around....

Aunt Terrie has Fostered nearly 60 children and adopted....she is wonderful she was the wife of Uncle Eddie who was in an orpahnage his whole life and she is my best support by phone...so once we are there I had thought this would be a great trip for Makala---There is so much family there with a lot to offer....the two weeks we planned to stay.... It is the getting there and getting home I am concerned most about...can you imagine a delay in an airport or an airport evacuation with a RAD kid and a 2 year old by my self????? Not sure I even want to try it?????hummm......

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