Thursday, August 12, 2004

Will they ever agree?

So it is a week and a half after the big crisis and the intervention! Four nights in the hospital--a visit with the attachment therapist--intake meeting for Day treatment for emotionally destrubed children and finally the actual appointment with the new shrink we finally have found who has space in his practice but does not accept the state heath insurance and our insurance only covers 50%!!!! .........and truthfully we are more confused then we were two weeks ago!In patient treatment, and the attachment theripists FEEL the biggest issue is anxiety and we were told by both that Cloinidine might be a good soultion to help keep her calm so we can have a few days without 5-6 hours of raging sessions....

We do not like the side effects we were told about this medication and we really would like to aviod it completely as it is an adult blood presure med and could lower her heart rate to a point of concern and I really am not interested in doing CPR.The new doctor has ALL the records of the hospitalization and is a man...the first man we have seen. During the 2 hours we were at his office yesterday Makala acted the way she 'does' with men which was interesting and the female doctors and therapists have NO CLUE about 'these behaviors' because they are not good looking strong and handsome men...

Before the end of the session yesterday Makala had told the doctor that she was the mom and he was the dad of the doll...and that because they got married they played with each others privates and made a baby! She NEVER would have interacted this way with a female.He spent a great deal of time talking with me about the EXACT way a rage goes down....and he feels that we are dealing with some real issues...

His oppinion is that any progress we are making with the Attachment is set back and delayed in some ways simply do to the extreme amount of time and energy we are dealing with the rages... I did bring what I do have on vedio tape and he sees what I do.... a little girl completely out of control and unable to even speak real words.... flipping around on the floor with her arms out for hugs and kisses--which are freely given even in the middle of the rage.

During this time she cannot hear anything...and often speaks jibberish and eventually gains a sort of distant control over her body--and then withdrawls to a degree... For us the withdrawl is less noticable because we are just happy there is silence and she appears to be in control.Then almost always withing minutes the second round starts which generally is the most serious and includes the hitting, biting, scratching, pinching spitting, and throwing things around...

The chanting starts and in this cycle it seems like she hears and understands but she has NO desire to reach out for hugs and kisses and will not accept them when offered.... This is the longest period of a rage and this is the time that can last for hours... and usually ends with her being physically exhosted and totally unable to fight any longer....

Then she withdrawls again and appears to be interested in something else.... but 9 out of 10 times will go back to the behaviors of the first round and beg and plead and want hugs and kisses.... but she seems to be able to hear us...and it appears she realizes how out of control she was which does actually cause her to express remorse and be sorry about what happened...sometimes she will even clean up after herself...

Sometimes we think this is simply an act of still trying to minipulate us... but on the vedio tape it does actually look like she just woke up...from a bad dream... If we talk about what happened often she still wants her way and will use the fact that she feels bad and helped clean up and is in control now--so she should get what she wanted.... and then it can escalte again...It is usually not over until some SUDDEN moment when she looks at us and says something like....."My barbie is so pretty!" or Mommie I love your hair cut...and then it is OVER.

The new doctor says these rages are more like a Bi-polar episode with a child... That she is cycling through the ups and downs during these rages...and that she really does not appear to hear or have much control over herself during the hight of them.

He agrees with and appears to understand a lot about Attachment and suggested that we continue with this therapy by all means....he does not agree with some of the advice we were given...especially the advice that the next time we cannot get her in the car we should drive off around the parking lot...he feels that is very bad advice that we need to keep working on Makala to not ever feel abandond and he thinks that is a bad action to take (we didn't really like the idea when we first heard it either)He has put Makala on Risperdal in order to help keep the edge off the anxiety and the HIGH UP's and help her reamin calm... He gave us a daily doseage and an additional small doseage for emergencies which if used could knock her out for 24 hours.... I am not sure how I feel about doing this... but his feeling is that we CANNOT possibly attach with these kinds of daily episodes and that Makala needs to expereince several months of NOT having the rages in order to even begin to attach.I would say the majority of attachment talk we did was the same kind of information we have learned from the therapist.

DH--felt much better with this doctor he addressed the concerns of the eating and weight gain and agreed with the therapists and said do not put limits on it... DH--felt better with a doctor who could witness the behaviors we are all rather concerned about... We left his office feeling mixed emotions....knowing he supported most of the Attachment therapy...but also seeing what we do and that these rages are beyond what any family could possibly face daily and attach with...plus the baby is acting out and copies his sister and that showed up on some of the vedio tape... This doctor wants our family to have some period of peace...to work on attachment with a child who can hear us and feel the hugs we do give her...

He is supportive of the bottle and rocking and reparenting methods...he does not rule out the need for the day treatment and he does not rule out mental health issues.He is going to cost us a load of money but I have to wonder if this is not the one time in someones life where money should not even be part of the issue... We are going to need to pay him about $400.00 a month... for awhile... He also wants us to back off the EXTRA activities and try to stay home.... It sort of hurt my feelings because when we were talking about Makala's background I used the phrase the state had with me that birthmom was a 'sofa surfer.' When we talked about the vacation -- he thought is was a bad idea and told us the last thing M needs is to sofa surf for two weeks...

He also does NOT want me to allow the chiropractor to work on her and help her relax her back--and I agree with him because he said my daughter does not need that kind of physical touch coming from anyone other then me... I had not thought about that before....

So---I guess for the next 30-days we are going to try the medication and see if it will take the edge off these rages long enough to have any kind of quality of time with her... She is to take it an hour before bed and we gave her a dose last night... There has not been a rage yet today--and she is not a zombie so that is good... The last thing I want is to knock her down... She has been pretty happy today.so...............that is where we are and I am packing to sofa surf at mommies house for two weeks..... We are taking the trip.... I do think in the long run it will be a good trip and I think that the time we spend together around other people who actually LOVE mommy is very important....We live around DH's family and we do have some differences....so having my family be there and confirming I am a good person and I am the mom could do some real good...

No comments:

Post a Comment

New Memories -- Blog Tags

abuse (1) acceptance (3) adoptee (1) Adoption (1) Adoption Committee (1) Adoptive Parent (3) AdoptiveParentsNetwork.com (2) Advocate (4) Alcohol-Related Neurodevelopmental Disorders (ARND) (18) anxiety (2) At Risk (1) Attachment (3) Attachment Disorder (2) Attachment Therapy (AT) (10) Attorney (1) Behaviors (2) Bill of Rights for Children's Mental Health Disorders and their Families (1) birth mom (5) boundaries (4) Case Worker (3) Child Identification (1) Child Rights (1) Christian (1) Christmas 2008 (1) communication (1) consequences (4) Contact (1) DHS (4) diagnosis (4) Disruption (2) Dissolution (1) divorce (3) documentation (1) domestic violence (3) door alarm (2) DSM IV (1) eating disorders (1) employment (2) Family (2) family preservation (2) FASD Resource (2) Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders (FASD) (24) foster family (3) Foster Home (3) Fund Raisers (2) Funding (1) goodbye (2) grief (3) home (3) Home Study (1) honeymoon (2) impulsive behaviors (3) Individual Education Plan (IEP) (15) loss (2) Marty (4) Medicaid (1) medication (6) mental health (4) mental health services (2) Missing Children (2) Mt Hood Oregon (2) Nancy Thomas (1) negative attention (3) Neurobiology (1) Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) (2) oxytocin (1) Parent Advocate (2) Parental Rights (1) parenting (4) police (2) Post Adoption Family Therapy (1) Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) (1) processing (3) propaganda (2) RAD Cult (6) RAD Mom (7) RAD Research (2) Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) (23) Research (8) Residential Treatment Center (1) Residential Treatment Center (RTC) (3) Resource (9) Respite (1) Safety (1) School (10) Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) (1) secondary behavior (1) Services (1) sexualized behaviors (4) short term memory (1) social (2) special education (7) Special Needs (2) Statewide Action for Family Empowerment (SAFE) (1) stealing (1) symptoms (2) tantrums and rages (4) Termination of Parental Rights (TPR) (1) The Brain (2) therapist (4) time outs (4) transition (8) Triangulation (1) Trust (1) Understanding Attachment (1) Understanding FASD (6) vacation (6) violence (2) Washington (2) website (8) When Love Is Not Enough (1) wraparound (1)