Wednesday, December 08, 2004

A Decision has been made.....

It has been difficult and painful to make such a major decision for Makala..... But recent events and situations which have left both Makala and other children at risk has caused us to make the decision to accept the January spot in the Day treatment program.

We (mom and dad) have a meeting this week to help dad over come some of his anxiety.... We are both so tired--the teacher is tired and the behaviors we deal with appear to be under control at home--and are now manifesting outside of our home.

Last week a mother of boy on the bus called....(same boy we had issues with at the end of last year).... And apparently HE has really been enjoying the NEW Makala--was thrilled she trick or treated at his house--and he likes her very much enough that he has been sitting next to her on the bus Until last week when Makala told him they should get married and then twiddle with each others privates and make babies.....

Sadly, the mother called AFTER the kids went to school the next morning.... And I feeling responsible for the 'VERBAL SEXUAL ABUSE' her son experienced I called the school....without talking to my OWN child first--without hearing her side of anything--without giving her the benifit of any doubt....and Makala was brought to the office, talked to about appropriate behavior and assigned a seat by herself on the bus for the remander of the year.

When my little girl came home--I talked with her. And, was completely devastated to learn that my abusive daughter had learned NEW IMPORTANT AND COMPLETE DETAILS about what Twiddling with each other's privates really means....and this information came from the little boy--who has a high school aged brother that has nasty magazines in his room...according to Makala the boy saw the pictures and told my daughter MORE then she had known before.

I should call the other mom as she has been so great to communicate with us---but, I feel I just am not able to do it and tell her that her son is eaqually responsible and well....personally, I am too emotionally worn to handle that kind of call in a good way and boys will be boys...not my issue I have my issues and the other family will survive.

BUT--I realize something in this whole mess. As much as I worry about ALL the other children my little girl is an open target for rape or a boy taking her up on her offer... EVEN if my daughter started the conversation--Even if she was not appropriate--her knowledge and behavior is placing her in great danger....

After these events I talkd to the teacher---and learned that Makala had been held in from recess for TWO WEEKS! for chasing and grabbing boys at recess.... NO ONE EVEN CALLED ME!!! I was also told that Makala was finding and bringing odd things to school --broken glass, dads tools, baby brothers toys ect... to school apparently in her underware as I check her...and the teacher has been taking things away.... NO CONTACT to me at all!

I have emailed a WEEKLY update every week since school started to the teacher, princapal, and email back would have been nice at least.... I guess I expect too much.

Anyway--yesterday we saw the shrink and his action was to change her meds and up one change another and blah blah blah... and he wrote a note to the school....saying Makala should not be isolated on the bus--she schould not be held in from recess and the school should Find a way to help her develop social skills if possible..... Today she was back on the Happy Face plan with three warnings before a frown ( I can tell not one person involved has bothered to read my e-letters) ONE WARNING is what we stressed and begged for....but she gets three and when she gets four out of eight happy faces she wins a PRIZE---huh?

Then the shrink went on to tell me that Bi-polar can cause these kinds of sexual awareness issues---I have not researched this proclaimation yet--but can say that this notion is a new one to me... The shrink said I need to TREAT Makala as if she has already sexually abused Jeremiah and assume he has been...and talk to Makala about it often (?).....I am not feeling real great about him any more....He seems to be acting like her issues are all about Bi=polar and ADHD....YEAH that's it...

Then attachment therapy--well I honestly think that has worked. I am really not to sure what more we can expect from this. The last several appointments have basically consisted of playing, reading with her and chit-chat...I don't think that other then seeing Makala can read that we have learned much new in the past few months.... The therapists isn't really giving me anymore exercises....or ideas....or lessons to IMPROVE anything....The relationship between Makala and me seems to be really nice now... Her Thanksgiving project was "I am Thankful for...." She wrote "That my mom and dad wanted to adopt me and love me"

The other day we were watching the sunset and she reached over and pet my cheek--I et hers right back and she stayed in my arms....for a long time. She is not pulling away--she is looking me in the eyes--and we do not appear to be having REACTIVE behaviors much anymore. She will now tell me the truth n the first serious request knowin the truth might cause a problem but the lie will end the day....she hugs me when she leaves...when she comes home....and her class work has a lot of mention about her parents....and it s generlly positive.....I FEEL like we are attached much better and that she trusts me and is talking freely and .... Not sure what more we need to do about attachment? Except to keep working on what we have been.

so--the day treatment is TWO adults for each child at all times. There are eight student accepted and the children are NEVER out of an adults sight or ear shot. She will have a direct therapist--and a teacher assigned to her at all times. The program is a little shorted day the regular school.... Parents are required to invest four hours at the program each week....Two in conference with the staff and counselors....and two in dircet interaction with the child and staff---so they can help build my skills and language in dealing with issue. The program is 100% theraputic and EVERYTHNG is designed around the childs specific needs, including the math and reading and educational elements...

The day treatment is for EMOTIONAL Disturbed children. Makala was accepted based on her history and the reports from her hospitalization this summer.... as well as the parent interview with me....They skipped the part where thier shrink evaluates as they felts she was a qualified candidate without seeing her. Acceptance is based on the vote of a 9 member board of mental health professionals....Makala's vote was 9 of 9 for acceptance....The program is funded by both the State education dollars her district would recieve for normal schooling--and by the state health insurance she is entitled to. Transportation is provided by the school district...all year round including summer.

The day treatment is part of Oregon Health Science University and is NOT a Teaching unit of the school it is a professional service and all the players have completed their education. Interns and students do serve in support measures but the children are not used as learning tools to experiment with---they are part of a long effort to meet the needs of emotionally disturbed children...Everyone is in a paid postion....

Could this really be a wrong choice?

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