Saturday, March 05, 2005

When...

I Originally Posted this on a Forum someplace:

March 05, 2005

When you are all grown up my sweet little girl I want you to know that loving you has been the most difficult and wonderful experience of my life....so far.

I will never ever forget the day we met....and your beautiful eyes, your lovely long hair and the words you spoke.... "Are you my forever mom and dad?" Your words made me feel just as much as I felt when I first heard my biological cry at birth.

It has been a really interesting two years my little girl. You have tested every limit and every part of my heart....I hope that you are starting to understand that there really isn't anything you can do that will make me stop loving you.....I wish you would just believe me and let us move on without the testing..... But, if you need to I can TAKE whatever it is that you throw my way.....You cannot make me ever say anything except that "I love you."

When I think about all that you and I have been through the past few years I guess it has all been a blessing. After all if you had just accepted me and not tested me we might not have this deep understanding of each other that we have today.

I was delighted this morning.... I have a smile in my heart. I could believe how hard I saw you trying and how clear it was that YOU REALLY do want the love I am offering to you..... Today when you saw me instead of being rude and saying "WHAT!" to me--you actually remembered that Mommy said lets try to start our day with a "Good morning!" and a smile---And I was actually kinda grumpy when I woke up--BUT seeing you try today changed my mood completely.

When you are all grown up my sweet and have a baby of your own I hope that you will remember that you have always been loved. Your first mommy loved you even though she didn't know how to take care of you. She never had a chance my sweet--she never learned what it meant to have parents who would be there and take all of her testing....But, I know for a fact that she loved you--I know because it is impossible not to love you.....and because you know how to love back...even when it is hard and even when it is with a new mom.

There are a million things I want to tell you when you grow up. And today something tells me that when you do grow up I will have nothing to worry about that you will be fine and that you will be a wonderful mom and a wonderful woman with so much to offer the people you love.

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