For awhile I am going to need to write my feelings out. Our support system is running low and burnning out and feeling helpless for us. Time for the family and friends to have a little break from my needs of support and a shoulder to cry on... Everyone Take a Break and rest up for awhile and REMEMBER we are the adults and we knew what we were getting into when we adopted our special needs children from Foster Care...
We completely understand that YOU may not have made this choice in your lives. And we also recognize that our leaning on you was not something you had the time to think about like we did.
No matter what the issues are Andrew and I knew these things were possible when we started down this road. So even when we are at the end or our rope we were still prepaired for all the stress we are facing.... SURE we hoped we would not be one of the families who had a long story to tell and we would have rather been a family who found NO Problems along the way. BUT we knew these things were possible and we knew we might have enough to write a book about when we started out.
YES--we need some respite for ourselves and we need to take a weekend vacation just to remember why we did this in the first place. And YES--we might have to make some heart breaking choices along the way...and YES there are days I cry and cry but REMEMBER that this was an educated decssion and WE ARE STRONG even when we tell the tales that make you shudder and wonder why or how we can deal with all that we face.
We DO NOT REGREAT OUR CHOICE TO ADOPT SIBLINGS FROM THE FOSTER CARE SYSTEM OR TO FACE THE SPECIAL NEEDS OUR CHILDREN HAVE. WE KNOW THIS IS STRESSFUL AND WE DO UNDERSTAND WHAT WE GOT OURSELVES INTO...AND WE HAVE ALWAYS UNDERSTOOD THIS...
We know that WE must take care of ourselves first in order to take care of the children. That is part of why we blubber so much to YOU.
Remember that Andrew and I DO NOT HAVE A SINGLE OTHER THING IN OUR LIVES TO WORRY ABOUT! Nothing. We have no debts, we have no life threatening medical conditions, we have our RETIREMENT saved and we have NEW CARS, no real bills, and nothing besides Makala and Jeremiah to think about or worry over. My oldest son has his Bachalor Degree and starts Grad School in the Fall and Tori is one year from having her Degree and starting her Grad School. Unless they are complete screw-ups they should have a fantastic start in life!
At this time we do not see any sign of Grand Children or even a Wedding to Stress out about.
Besides the Weeds in the Yard and What we have for Dinner there really is NOTHING else to think about except the little ones we love with all our hearts. YEP--this has been a little harder then I expected and while liiving in it seems to take forever but, the fact is that the hard years of parenting go by much faster once they are done then while we are living in them.
Makala may or may not ever be fully OK. But, in 10 1/2 years this child will be an adult! That is NOT a very long time people! Heck Jeremiah will be an adult in 15 years and I am sorry but when I look back on life 15 years ago--seems like yesterday!
I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And I think GOD that my oldest son and Tori were the KIDS they were and caused me but a few days of stress and trouble along the way. I know that the life they had was VERY different then the life Makala and Jeremiah have and the older kids are doing pretty fine all things considered. I have no doubt that Makala and Jeremiah will be fine in the end.
I know that most people could NOT do what we have done. AND I respect this fact and understand completely. I know that most mom's are not the same as me and that most husbands and wives might not be able to deal with the issues we have. BUT I also Know that GOD is 100% involved in all of this and that I have faith even when I am in tears.
REMEMBER who De Anna really is... She is the little girl who could not watch the news because she would FEEL too much. She is the little Girl who CRIES at parades and who has WAY to much emotion for her own Good. Keep in Mind that De Anna is the person who without something to worry about will make something else up or find a cause to consume the endless hours of awake time that there is. If I were not stressed out about this adventure I would be stressing about my Roses or Tomatoe plants.... or whatever job I decided to take on.
I am much Happier Stressing out about the HUMAN life I love then some Insurance Clients Policy or the Horrible Claim they might have. I found that STRESS to be a lower value in my daily life while insurance is important and people need it especially in the time of loss....My working as an Agent was of little personal satisfaction compaired to the blessings that Adopting Makala and Jeremiah are and always will be to my spirit and whole life.
WHAT WOULD I BE DOING RIGHT NOW IF I WAS NOT A MOTHER?
I cannot think of many things that could possiblly matter more to me then Makala and Jeremiah at this time therefore when I am crying on the Phone remember I would have been SOMETHING anyway that brought those tears....I CRY alot and it is WHO I am and WHO I have always been. Far better that I CRY for this reason then for the roses or the insurance customer who is upset at the High Costs their kids cause thier car policy! All the Prozac on the earth will NOT take away the Passion of my spirit and I feel much better putting my Tears and Passion to this use then ANYTHING else I could even imagine!
Thanks Everyone I love you all--Just remember who De Anna is and this will all make sense to you!
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