Friday, August 12, 2005

Placebo? or Really is what we need?

I really was hopeful that M would NOT have to be medicated and I really wanted it not to be what she needs! I just hate the idea of having her take meds and the side effects that medicated children have to endure.....BUT, is it all in my head or is it WHAT this princess actually needs right now?

Last night was only the SECOND night back on medication. I had planned for the fact that I wanted to attend our Adoptive Parents Network Group meeting last night and so I hired my oldest son to come and make sure the children were settled down so that Andrew would be able to do his weekly conference call to India.... They both reported that M was a complete DELIGHT--YES, I said DELIGHT!

My oldest son was able to play a board game with her and she didn't pitch a fit when she didn't WIN (which is Great because he always had a problem Not being the Winner too and even though he will be 22 next Monday he still has some growing up to do)

Then when it was time to go to bed M asked if she could "TRY" not having the Alarm on her door.....They agreed and told her that if she got up even ONE Time they would put it on the door....Apparently she got ready for bed and went right to sleep!

This morning she came down stairs DRESSED for School and Brushed her hair without being asked--which is usually a horrible ordeal since it is so long it is past her rear end! She ate her breakfast and gathered her things and waited by the door for her driver--kissed me goodbye and left with a smile!


...could it be possible that she REALLY must need this medication? When I read this journal I can clearly see the difference between medicated and NOT! I can't believe this is my imagination that she does so much better with the meds...DANG it! It is LIKE NIGHT AND DAY!

I suppose that if this really is something my sweety needs that I can get over the fact she needs it.... I just wish I didn't have to feel so responsible for the fact that No One knows the LONG TERM effects of children taking these the effect 20 years from now....Or what about her reproduction and all that stuff...what if she really needs this medication and we keep her on it for years and she leaves home and goes off and crashes? Or has to go off to have children and turns into a crazy maniac and has problems? I just don't want her to have to be medicated and I wish this stuff was not working but It sure seems that it really is!

I have talked with other parents who have tried medications and NOT seen any improvements or the medications lose the effectiveness after a period of time. All I know is that when I look at this journal I can see that the 9-months she was on Risperdal she was not flipping out everyday--she was not arguing about every thing and she was in a stable much so that day treatment thought she would graduate by this coming Christmas and be ready for school again...Then we took her off meds and it has been a quick and painful spiral down to the worst fits and tantrums I have ever witnessed!

Maybe this is Just a fluke and maybe she is trying hard and working on it and it is all ironic? I suppose that we can keep her on for awhile and try a back-off again and see what happens later? I just cannot believe what 2-days on this medication has demonstrated to us....and I know that M will be so much happier and live such a more peaceful life it she is not always verging on some mood swing of some kind or another....

Anyway--I cannot wait until she gets home today to see what happened at school and how she does this afternoon! I would so much love to be done with the flipping out and lack of stability with her moods.... I just see no way that she could even learn at school or have the ability to accomplish much of anything in her life under the situations she deals with when we were not medicating.... Just the most simple tasks were too much for her.

Yesterday, we did have some argument about riding bikes but, honestly I don't think her wanting to ride the bike and being insistent was all that unusual she didn't have a tantrum just some re-asking and begging and some minor arguments about it but eventually let go and waited until it was TIME to ride...which did happen just not when she wanted it..... I think this was completely normal 7-year-old behaviors and didn't feel she crossed any REAL line with her begging yesterday....

so who knows here and if the meds are needed then I need to get over my own not wanting this to be the case. I may not like this and It might scare me half to death but without it what would her future even be if we cannot make it ten-minutes without some kind of mood swing and freak out?

anyway that is the update for this morning.

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