Sunday, July 31, 2005

Yesterday was wonderful!

It was such a great day Yesterday! My oldest son came over to help with some lawn work and earn a few dollars. And Tori and Will came over in the afternoon and will needed to change the spark plugs on his truck. Will's father went to Germany to race in the Dragon Boats. Makala was minding enough--right on the edge but OK--and we all BBQ ed.

It was a real nice gathering and the food turned out to be great! We had Ice Cream Cones after dinner. Makala tossed the Kitten in the Sprinkler and tried to pretend she didn't do anything wrong or that she had no idea why that might not be OK.... DUH! Anyway, everyone had a nice time even the Kitten the older Kids were pretty hard on Makala about the Kitten in the Sprinkler episode... Makala ended up feeling pretty bad about it--or so it appeared anyway--I guess you can never know for sure. Makala is such a great liar lately.

I am planning to start giving myself far more breaks! Since no one here seems to care what the 'quality' of food is around this house I am going to start giving them the easy stuff! Really why make it hard on myself and give them something to gobble up without thinking about it. That is what happens anyway. Andrew is going to be getting some Nights in charge of the kids.

Friday, July 29, 2005

ahhhhhh!

It has been a good day!

Makala came home from day treatment today and I, as usual, read her notebook (we exchange details daily) and had to laugh because yesterday one of the big events was finding Makala with the New Kitty (13 weeks old) Swinging him on the swing set...Of course Makala thought the swing was empty and didn't Notice that Tommy Jr. was Actually in it.... --lie--[ lie ]--lie! So I wrote it in the book this morning....

Apparently Makala had to take care of a 'stuffed bunny' and call him 'Kitty-Kitty' all day and everyone knows you cannot play basketball, ride the bikes, run through a sprinkler or do much of anything else when you are taking care of a small animal... And you cannot leave the animal laying around, or hold him by his neck...or do much else when you are looking after a helpless little animal....

It appears she will be taking care of "Kitty-Kitty" again tomorrow because another thing you cannot do is trap a kitty in your brothers closet and then pretend you have no idea that the kitty is trapped in the closet when you are found in your brothers room with the door shut which is also aggainst the rules....and then they lie part is really not a great idea especially when your mother tells you that YOU will sit on the wood floor in front of the sliding door for as long as it takes to tell the truth (but only until bedtime) even if it means that breakfast will be on the wood floor in front of the sliding doors....

eventually I suppose it is actually better to confess even if your words were true (which they were not because mom really is NOT an idiot )

On the GREAT note we had our swim play date and EVERYTHING went completely WELL and wonderful and thank goodness! It was great fun and I was so happy to have a nice afternoon and catch up on old things....

We stopped at the store and Makala did NOT touch anything! WOW! WOW! Big praises and High Five's for that......

Nice to have a little break and a decent day! One at a time is good enough for me....I take what I can get!

This is my LATE NIGHT the only night of the week I feel safe to let my inner insomniac out and stay up too late.... I try to keep my agenda clean for Friday mornings while Jeremiah is at pre-school and I can just do NOTHING! I am a real night owl usually but, simply have had to force myself to bed EARLY just so I can KEEP UP the next day! I sure hope when these kids get a little older I can let that side of me back out....I love the NIGHT time....No one rings the phone, knocks on the door and the air is cool! I love the night time dark...I always wonder why a night owl is so affected by the lack of sunlight here in the Pacific Northwest it just seems like an oxi-morone to me that I love the night--but the dark days bum me out?

Well, on to other stuff....

Thursday, July 28, 2005

....the constant efforts

Well, this morning I do feel a lot better! It is so hard to stay consistent all the time and not let up on it. But, Makala is the kind of kid that if you let anything go once--she assumes this means that she has expressed permission to do the same things any time she wants in the future! UGH!

For example the other night she was so helpful putting things away after dinner and I watched her put the Blueberries away and as she did so she took a small handful of blueberries out and ate them... No Big deal right? Except that not 10 mins later I turned around and saw her getting two HUGE handfuls of blueberries out of the Fridge! WHY?--well I had not corrected her on the first time that I saw her take some so therefore that means that she can take more again and as many as she wants whenever she wants!

Seems reasonable to me!

The fact is that with this kid I have to BUST her every time NO Matter how silly it seems! AND this is HARD because I end up feeling like a bitch all the time--Nag Nag Nag and never letting her take an inch! I drive myself crazy because I am always ON HER because one time getting away with something seems to mean she can just do it all the time and geeeeeeeee will this ever change?

It seems to go right along with the selective memory. Makala can remember that I ran a red light 2 years ago but not that we have told her 3000 times that KIDs are NOT allowed in the Garage! Or that every night we brush out teeth! She can remember that ONE time I did not say anything about getting a few blueberries but she cannot remember that I have said WE NEVER GIVE THE NEW KITTEN A BATH!

Personally, this is driving me CRAZY! If anyone reading this journal has any ideas to HELP I would love your comments! Please feel free to Comment on this Journal on any entry about ANYTHING! If your input won't help me I am sure it will help someone else!

Some of these issues have taken so long to identify as issues or problems. I cannot believe how long it has taken to GET to Know this child and what makes her tick! It has been 2 and a half years and I still feel like there are days when I do NOT know what she is all about!

...........anyway I am concerned about the Swimming this afternoon. I have NOT taken Makala around too many NORMAL kids due to never knowing What the Heck she might do or say! I can hardly keep a friendship up with anyone who has children. My VERY best friend from High School has Twin daughters age 6 and so far our children have NOT met or played together.... How paranoid am I? But, I would sure hate to have a 25 year old friendship lost because my daughter did something crazy to my friends twins! YIKES!

Hopefully, limited and directly supervised activities will help? I guess today will be the first test of this idea. Please hope and pray that my beautiful daughter behaves properly today!

Anyway, I am off to work a little bit on the website! Wow is that a ton of work and moving so much slower then I ever thought it would move!

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

The Staple Remover

Well we just got back from the doctors office, Makala had the staples removed from the back of her head! It was difficult for the doctor not to show pity and give her a sucker on the way out...But, Mom had said this was not going to be a treat time... If the accident had been something other then a tantrum it would have been a different story!

I am feeling much better today... Trying not to be a cranky or crabby or any other not so nice way!

So far things have gone well the last two days... So at least I know I can take a break emotionally for a day or two.

Tori will be helping us out soooooo much! She has agreed to do an all weekend respite for us August 13-14! YIPPY! Tori of all people on earth can deal with this junk! Anyway....right now I am getting ready to take the family out for dinner...It is 97 degrees and I am NOT COOKING tonight

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

I should make some calls....

I should have spent my time this morning doing anything useful...

I didn't but instead just played here at my website! www.happymomanna.com Yes--I am really still Happy deep inside.

I should call mom she is likely wondering how today is going? Or I should finally get around to calling for the eye exams or other 50 things I need to call about... Oh well.

Makala should be home in about 45 mins. and Jeremiah poohed in his pants "because he wanted to" Oh JOY! Time to clean him up and give him a good long time out.
When I get finished I will call mom and let her know I am feeling better....

When the support system needs Respite!

For awhile I am going to need to write my feelings out. Our support system is running low and burnning out and feeling helpless for us. Time for the family and friends to have a little break from my needs of support and a shoulder to cry on... Everyone Take a Break and rest up for awhile and REMEMBER we are the adults and we knew what we were getting into when we adopted our special needs children from Foster Care...

We completely understand that YOU may not have made this choice in your lives. And we also recognize that our leaning on you was not something you had the time to think about like we did.
No matter what the issues are Andrew and I knew these things were possible when we started down this road. So even when we are at the end or our rope we were still prepaired for all the stress we are facing.... SURE we hoped we would not be one of the families who had a long story to tell and we would have rather been a family who found NO Problems along the way. BUT we knew these things were possible and we knew we might have enough to write a book about when we started out.

YES--we need some respite for ourselves and we need to take a weekend vacation just to remember why we did this in the first place. And YES--we might have to make some heart breaking choices along the way...and YES there are days I cry and cry but REMEMBER that this was an educated decssion and WE ARE STRONG even when we tell the tales that make you shudder and wonder why or how we can deal with all that we face.

We DO NOT REGREAT OUR CHOICE TO ADOPT SIBLINGS FROM THE FOSTER CARE SYSTEM OR TO FACE THE SPECIAL NEEDS OUR CHILDREN HAVE. WE KNOW THIS IS STRESSFUL AND WE DO UNDERSTAND WHAT WE GOT OURSELVES INTO...AND WE HAVE ALWAYS UNDERSTOOD THIS...

We know that WE must take care of ourselves first in order to take care of the children. That is part of why we blubber so much to YOU.

Remember that Andrew and I DO NOT HAVE A SINGLE OTHER THING IN OUR LIVES TO WORRY ABOUT! Nothing. We have no debts, we have no life threatening medical conditions, we have our RETIREMENT saved and we have NEW CARS, no real bills, and nothing besides Makala and Jeremiah to think about or worry over. My oldest son has his Bachalor Degree and starts Grad School in the Fall and Tori is one year from having her Degree and starting her Grad School. Unless they are complete screw-ups they should have a fantastic start in life!

At this time we do not see any sign of Grand Children or even a Wedding to Stress out about.
Besides the Weeds in the Yard and What we have for Dinner there really is NOTHING else to think about except the little ones we love with all our hearts. YEP--this has been a little harder then I expected and while liiving in it seems to take forever but, the fact is that the hard years of parenting go by much faster once they are done then while we are living in them.

Makala may or may not ever be fully OK. But, in 10 1/2 years this child will be an adult! That is NOT a very long time people! Heck Jeremiah will be an adult in 15 years and I am sorry but when I look back on life 15 years ago--seems like yesterday!

I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And I think GOD that my oldest son and Tori were the KIDS they were and caused me but a few days of stress and trouble along the way. I know that the life they had was VERY different then the life Makala and Jeremiah have and the older kids are doing pretty fine all things considered. I have no doubt that Makala and Jeremiah will be fine in the end.

I know that most people could NOT do what we have done. AND I respect this fact and understand completely. I know that most mom's are not the same as me and that most husbands and wives might not be able to deal with the issues we have. BUT I also Know that GOD is 100% involved in all of this and that I have faith even when I am in tears.

REMEMBER who De Anna really is... She is the little girl who could not watch the news because she would FEEL too much. She is the little Girl who CRIES at parades and who has WAY to much emotion for her own Good. Keep in Mind that De Anna is the person who without something to worry about will make something else up or find a cause to consume the endless hours of awake time that there is. If I were not stressed out about this adventure I would be stressing about my Roses or Tomatoe plants.... or whatever job I decided to take on.

I am much Happier Stressing out about the HUMAN life I love then some Insurance Clients Policy or the Horrible Claim they might have. I found that STRESS to be a lower value in my daily life while insurance is important and people need it especially in the time of loss....My working as an Agent was of little personal satisfaction compaired to the blessings that Adopting Makala and Jeremiah are and always will be to my spirit and whole life.


WHAT WOULD I BE DOING RIGHT NOW IF I WAS NOT A MOTHER?

I cannot think of many things that could possiblly matter more to me then Makala and Jeremiah at this time therefore when I am crying on the Phone remember I would have been SOMETHING anyway that brought those tears....I CRY alot and it is WHO I am and WHO I have always been. Far better that I CRY for this reason then for the roses or the insurance customer who is upset at the High Costs their kids cause thier car policy! All the Prozac on the earth will NOT take away the Passion of my spirit and I feel much better putting my Tears and Passion to this use then ANYTHING else I could even imagine!

Thanks Everyone I love you all--Just remember who De Anna is and this will all make sense to you!

Monday, July 25, 2005

Meds? I think they help!

Well, the past few weeks have made things pretty clear if you ask me! It seems we have two choices....

1) Medication with the side effects or
2) a child who is ALWAYS suffering from a consequence, has alarms on her door and is so out of control that our whole family is suffering and at risk for God only knows what next!

We have 7 screens in our home torn and ripped from whatever it is that seems to cause this little girl to pick and poke at anything she has been told to leave alone! This weekend she ripped up another screen in order to put her little brothers toys out on the second floor ledge!
Then yesterday while we got ready to go to a big swim party at a friends house--Daddy asked Makala to sit on the Patio for a little while (she was causing problems with little brother) Makala said, "NO--No--No--No" and refused.

So mom told Makala to sit in the kitchen at the table where Makala bounced the chair up and down on the floor. Mom said, "sit on the floor" and of course heard NO again....Mom helped Makala sit on the floor which was easier said then done.....
Then we heard Makala say, "Police"

She had called 911 to report that 2-years ago mom ran a red light! Funny she can remember a mistake mom made two years ago but not one other damn word we tell her?
Of course the police came--and again we were facing that moment when our lives could have been flushed in an instant! Thank GOD I was able to talk our way through it without any action... But WHAT IF? And what if she starts with False Allegations? My God the police could have taken both kids into care yesterday and what in the world would that have done to Jeremiah?

I called the day treatment emergency line and talked with the Shrink thankfully this one has met and worked with Makala. The shrink asked if we had any of the old medication around which normally I would have tossed and luckily found (must have known in the back of my mind) and we gave her Risperdahl and Clonidine....Within hours she was stable and able to function at some NORMAL mood level. She even went to bed without needing the door alarm!
I am sorry but I am at the point I would rather see her gain 200 pounds and lay around like a zombie then have her sit in one time our after another and call 911--yell fire--try to trip her daddy--bash her head so hard she has to have staples in it.

My support system is worried about ME..... How much can a mother endure? I have had back surgery, and live in constant pain over the first attack....I have climbed every mountain I can find to help this child. I have been consistent to the letter every day....I have talked, and not talked, taken toys and given rewards, I have done everything anyone can suggest and yet she just escalates things.

I am starting to think about residential treatment. I know this is a last resort but my goodness how many weekends, how many days doe we have to live in this kind of stress?

WE don't have ANY PROBLEMS NONE we live in complete security we do not have money problems we do not fight, we do not have any problem in our life yet our home is constantly in stress! Not a freaking day goes by where there is not something some reason some problems that MAKALA has caused!

How long do we have to wait for Attachment and why the HELL is Attachment the ONLY freaking thing they want to call her issues. I watch enough day-time TV to see that there are parents who have kids like this who were NOT adopted.... These parents OFTEN get help and the advice I get it to rock her like a baby and stick to the consistent expectations....GIVE ME A BREAK! Just because this child is adopted does NOT mean every thing is because of this I am so sick and tired of the COP-OUT!

Her stories of abuse are not all that dramatic! When I was a kid every kid had her story or WORSE and WE LIVED. Heck when I was in 5th grade I got paddled so often one day my teacher decided to hit the sofa in the room instead of me so the Kids would hear the whacks and have fun doing the count....My teacher was so sick of giving me the paddle she just could not bring herself to do it that day!

I didn't die. YEP Makala had a real hard start in her life but good grief why isn't anyone telling her to just deal and move on. We are still wallowing in the same pain all the therapists have wanted to address--her painful memories have been drawn and drawn and told so often I doubt she even really remembers them anymore. Oh lets talk about all the bad stuff you remember when you were 3! Good god! She is 7 now she has been away from that life nearly as long as she lived it in the first place! Jeremiah is almost the age Makala was when the kids were put in care.
If I sat around reliving all the HELL it was to be a battered wife I would NOT be a very good wife for my husband today.

If I had to draw pictures of what it felt like to be raped by my husband or beaten for buying donuts for his lunch I would never know how to be a real wife today! I got over it because I let it out once and moved on...Not because I sat around and thought about it every day or because my second husband was freaking forced to hear about that old life over and over....If I sat here and told my husband the horrible stories about the first man I married He would treat me like crap too....because I would feel like crap and expect to be treated like crap and it would all be a self fulfilling prophecy!

I don't think I have had to tell Andrew too many stories about that old life in order for me to learn that HE is NOT that man and will not treat me the way my first husband did. If I spent all day swelling on that stuff I would still be a battered wife.

My oldest son had his leg severed once and reattached. We don't sit around and act like his leg is still severed. We thank God it is attached and even though it will never be the same he has his leg and he has the ability to overcome the fact that once it was not hooked on his body but laying in the street.... The LEG is NOT on the street anymore...I am not a battered wife anymore...Makala is NOT living in a life of abuse and neglect anymore!

Maybe all this over educated outside assistance is the problem. Maybe these people don't have any true life experience and they sit around getting all gooey over the books they study and have no basis in reality?

Even biological children can be little shits! I watched Brat Camp and only two of those children were adopted!

I am sick and tired of everything being about the freaking adoption. If she doesn't like the family we are or appreciate that she has the world on a silver platter then I don't know what else I can possibly give her. As it stands right now we have had to reduce her world to such a tight circle that she doesn't even know the lap of luxury she is actually living in! How many children have gone to Disneyland three times in 2 1/2 years? How many children have the amount of love and attention I am ABLE to give her?

My older children had one hell of a terrible childhood. They watched me get hit and hurt or listened to fighting every weekend. They heard one F-You fight after another, lived a life of total hell for years and YET they are not all messed up and looking to suffer. I wish to God I could have given them even HALF what we have to offer Makala.

Can you tell this MOM is on a real low note today? It is HARD I feel so alone. My support system is doing what they can and I don't know what else they could even say or do but, even they are tired and at a loss for words.... Yes--WE need RESPITE and YES we need a break! And so?????? Tell me something I don't know.

But, I do know that a Good Mom does not give up. I do know that I have to keep my feelings in control. I do know that sometimes God does actually fix things...that faith can move a mountain....that prayers are sometimes actually answered.... I don't think I expect too much....I don't think that wanting My child to have as close to a normal childhood as possible is an unreasonable expectation. I don't think that it is anyone Else's responsibility to step in and raise these children.

When will we see some light at the end of the tunnel?

Thursday, July 21, 2005

step--step--one step at a time....

It seems that about every 90 days I reach a breaking point and have some sort of an emotional outburst or blow out.... Of course, it is usually also right around PMS time too.... This week has been one of those times for me...
Everyone who knows me has told me this week they are worried about me.......... I don't like having other people worry about ME! Don't they all know I am supper human mom and NOTHING can get me so down that I cannot find my way up? Ha! Ha! that would be a joke by the way...... sometimes a good laugh can change everything. Of course, as Grandpa used to say, "Sometimes a good cry does you good too!" I had a good cry last night.
EVERYONE--I will be fine! I am the grown up here and much as it might seem that I need to take care of myself--I really do guys--Honest! I promise!
Life is NEVER as easy as we think it should be.

I see it this way everybody:
No matter what my life could have been like today---I would, by nature, find some reason to WORK hard and worry a little and sometimes a lot. I could be all wrapped up in my garden or in some other project--or interfering with older kid's venture into adulthood...I could be out raising money for the Homeless or stressing out about some self imposed goal I set for myself...I could have gone back to college and be all worked up over keeping a 4.0. I could be out working 8 hours in an office with those women who told me that they don't need children because they have their clients....I could be all stressed out because at the age of 42 my life is possibly more then half way over.....I could find a million things to get worked up over and I have found reasons all my life so Why NOT make that reason the lives of my daughter--if anyone needed my Worry to be spent on them--She is reason enough.
...........I cannot think of many things that could possibly be more important to stress--worry and cry about then a Child who deserved a better start in life. When you are a mom it really is your job to be the NUMBER one person worried....and praying and full of hope that maybe--just maybe--this worry and this LOVE will change a child's life.
I have not broken YET. And God knows that in my PAST I had some pretty great reasons to throw my hands up in the air and fall to the ground in a heap of despair..... I did not die during all those times and I don't think I will die now.
Yes--by the simple fact that we adopted children who had a horrible start in life I CHOSE to walk this path. and YES, this has been 1,000 times harder then it sounded on paper. BUT, at least I went in knowing that it might be a long hard road. I didn't get this chance to make a choice so many times in my past.
When I married Tom, I didn't have any idea that marriage meant something completely different to him...I had no clue the mountains that life would put for me to climb. That night when the phone rang and my oldest son was so badly hurt--No one did a home study to see if my life could deal with the implications of his injury...or the two years of intense recovery and I most surely would not have chosen that! BUT--I lived on everyone and became much STRONGER for it all.
All the hard and painful things I lived through has made me who I am. And this too will make me stronger and wiser in the end.
I always have known I want to write one day--I used to say that I would need to live for awhile to even know what I really wanted to write about-or to have the credibility to write anything from experience...I have felt that life has all been a means of Backing Up the ACT I live.....
Yes, I knew I was strong all along but without the story I had little proof.
So......call this my education my validation my proof that I am strong and I can do whatever I decide I can do no matter how long and hard that road really is....I can deal with it and I will live to tell my story...

Monday, July 18, 2005

What a Weekend!

I have no idea what to think anymore? Now that the medications are done I am more concerned then ever. I just can't believe how much control a child the age of 7 can have in a family. It blows my mind.

If I sat around and wrote the truth of my days it would take another day to write it. I can hardly even keep a list or remember from one hour to the next.

I do remember Friday night!

It might be a night I never forget!

When I am OLD and have Alzheimer's I will REMEMBER This!
It was 10:00 PM. and after one long day of one thing after another--one lie after another--one crisis after another Makala was STILL awake an hour and a half after bedtime....still getting up...still trying to bother her little brother....still trying to catch the kitty....still telling lies every time she was found out of bed...How much pee can a 7 year old hold and measure out in one eventing? Apparently gallons....

................anyway, after many reminders and many times of letting Makala know that she needed to mind or she would lose a toy Mom had enough and went in to take a toy for one more time out of bed--and Makala FREAKED! She instantly went into a RAGE because mom dared to take away the Box of some doll she had got 6 months ago but for whatever reason the Box (TRASH) was Special and Important---It WAS NOT EVEN A TOY!

She went right to the routine of flipping her body around like a fish out of water and screaming at the top of her lungs...thrashing like someone was poking her with a hot stick! And it HAPPENED!

She threw herself backward so hard that when she did HIT her head on the bed it busted a gash 2 inches long in the back of her head! I didn't even want to deal with it--the getting special attention for the self inflicted injury--but there was too much blood and it was a head injury and well a Good Mother does not allow her child to bleed to death or have head injuries go untreated....so we rushed to the emergency room.

At least 15 different people at the hospital felt the need to question Makala....I think maybe even the Janitor came in to get her story. Thank God she told the Truth this time...because I am sure they were looking in my van for the blunt instrument while we were inside.... I just remained calm and gave them the business card for Day Treatment--and their own hospital records should have pulled up the fact that only exactly one YEAR ago they held her for two days on a PSYC Hold before getting her over to the Children's Hospital for a real PSYC eval....
The choice was shave a baseball size spot on her head and have stitches or clean it up and have staples! She thankfully took the Staples 8 of them....right on the back of her head....I think we got home around 2 a.m. from the Hospital...

Great timing too given that the first nice warm day of summer was Saturday! and she could not swim and I felt it was a real bad idea to do too much out in the hot sun.... It just never ends.
Saturday her head hurt too bad for her to think of too many ways to control our lives...we actually had a pretty nice day and took a family sight seeing drive up the Gorge and had dinner in a cute little Grill in a Town we are thinking of moving to. Found our dream home and then realized that it was in a different state so what would we do about Day treatment? and all the other services???? looks LIKE WE NEED TO WAIT!

Sunday was HELL again. First thing that happened is mom heard dad yelling "No--No" in the back yard and looked out in time to watch Makala push Jeremiah into the little pool....Something WE have told her for the THIRD summer in a ROW you cannot do to ANYONE! Something she should have learned LAST Year at swim lessons....Whatever....
It was very HOT on Sunday so great to do the cleaning and care on the head injury on the patio with some warm water and the garden hose too.... It was actually one of the nice moments of the day.

A few hours later apparently the plumbing in the upstairs bathroom Burs ted under the sink and then fixed itself....Magic....actually, it was a balloon she filled with water and tossed under the sink and then called us for help because our pipes apparently burst and then fix themselves.... We have a MAGIC home....Lately there are Fires that need put out but magically go away when we go to check....

I am NOT too strong this WEEK.

It is sooooooo hard to NOT feel like giving up on her completely.
I was NOT a great mom Sunday. I most likely said things that are not OK for a mom to say..... But I hit my limit when I found the baby in Makala's closet telling me sissy pulled his pants down...she says she didn't---who knows---he is three and who knows anymore? It does not take two seconds to molest a little child and she didn't have much time...It isn't like she and Jeremiah were really even alone....I was right there in the Hall cleaning up another mess someone had made.

With all the heat we found out that Makala has destroyed the Screen in her bedroom....and one in the Living room....one in the Family room and the sliding door screen all have rips and holes and are trash....But according to Makala monkeys must have broken into the house and ripped up all the screens....She didn't do it of course... At bedtime she threw a freaking fit again because Jeremiahs room got the LARGER FAN because his window cannot be opened more then a few inches due to safety concerns.... She couldn't be happy with the Fan she had.....couldn't be happy with anything....Wouldn't go to sleep again...It was after midnight this time and she was still up chasing the kitty and getting into things....

Dad and Mom Actually had a FIGHT! Both of us are so tired of the crap and so tired of telling her everything 20 times before she even acts like she hears us....and then simply continues to find a way to do whatever wants to do...

She is becoming a more talented liar. A better Sneak and absolutely will not take responsibility for her own actions no matter how busted she is..... We can even have it on TAPE and she will deny it to the bitter end.....

This morning-Monday-I told her that effective tomorrow that she will be getting up at 6:00.a.m. to get ready and do some chores before school. If that is not early enough I will get her out of bed at 5 a.m. Whatever it takes she is going to be tired by 8:30.
I am sick of putting life on hold waiting for her to 'get-it'
Usually, I feel better after I vent....Not today.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

The Short--Long Summer Break

Between all the Rain and the fact that Makala only gets a one week summer break it sure has been hard to believe it is July! Last week was the big summer vacation and we did some exciting things. We road Thomas the Train as it was visiting in Hood River! And then spent the WHOLE day at Oaks Park riding rides and skating on the 4th of July. The rest of the week off was rather sad because Makala decided that she was going to have a Power Struggle with mom and pull one stunt after another with dad!



Yippy! Now mom had to kick it up a notch and said "Nothing will happen until your room is picked up!" and for 2 1/2 days mom had to give the cold shoulder--when Makala had something to say mom asked, "is your room done?" when Makala said almost Mom had to say I am not talking to you until it is finished....Makala had to eat meals in her room and well I hate this fact......but, eventually it got done! AND what a NICE job she did! Why? Why? Why? The whole week basically down the drain all over a power struggle....I just don't get it. The past few weeks I have noticed the LACK of medications! The 'drop to the floor tantrums' are back! Yesterday there were 3 of them....the whole afternoon was one fit after another! And there is NO reasoning with her when this happens.....It is as if she cannot hear anything and no matter what I do nothing happens until she is finished with this fit!

Yesterday after she was finished with her first tantrum I just told her that even Jeremiah had learned that a tantrum was not going to give him what he wanted! And that because she wanted to act like a 2-year old that she could not ride her bike because babies don't ride bikes.....Another tantrum (as if that would change things?) and I stuck to my words.....five hours later she finally apologized! URGH!When will this all end? At this point it feels like I have two three-year old's and in sooooooo many ways Jeremiah is acting older then Makala who is four years older!Anyway---I need to get ready it is my morning at Day Treatment and I have a lot to talk about.

New Memories -- Blog Tags

abuse (1) acceptance (3) adoptee (1) Adoption (1) Adoption Committee (1) Adoptive Parent (3) AdoptiveParentsNetwork.com (3) Advocate (4) Alcohol-Related Neurodevelopmental Disorders (ARND) (18) anxiety (2) At Risk (1) Attachment (3) Attachment Disorder (2) Attachment Therapy (AT) (10) Attorney (1) Behaviors (2) Bill of Rights for Children's Mental Health Disorders and their Families (1) birth mom (5) boundaries (4) Case Worker (3) Child Identification (1) Child Rights (1) Christian (1) Christmas 2008 (1) communication (1) consequences (4) Contact (1) DHS (4) diagnosis (4) Disruption (2) Dissolution (1) divorce (3) documentation (1) domestic violence (3) door alarm (2) DSM IV (1) eating disorders (1) employment (2) Family (2) family preservation (2) FASD Resource (2) Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders (FASD) (24) foster family (3) Foster Home (3) Fund Raisers (2) Funding (1) goodbye (2) grief (3) home (3) Home Study (1) honeymoon (2) impulsive behaviors (3) Individual Education Plan (IEP) (15) loss (2) Marty (4) Medicaid (1) medication (6) mental health (4) mental health services (2) Missing Children (2) Mt Hood Oregon (2) Nancy Thomas (1) negative attention (3) Neurobiology (1) Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) (2) oxytocin (1) Parent Advocate (2) Parental Rights (1) parenting (4) police (2) Post Adoption Family Therapy (1) Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) (1) processing (3) propaganda (2) RAD Cult (6) RAD Mom (7) RAD Research (2) Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) (23) Research (8) Residential Treatment Center (1) Residential Treatment Center (RTC) (3) Resource (9) Respite (1) Safety (1) School (10) Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) (1) secondary behavior (1) Services (1) sexualized behaviors (4) short term memory (1) social (2) special education (7) Special Needs (2) Statewide Action for Family Empowerment (SAFE) (1) stealing (1) symptoms (2) tantrums and rages (4) Termination of Parental Rights (TPR) (1) The Brain (2) therapist (4) time outs (4) transition (8) Triangulation (1) Trust (1) Understanding Attachment (1) Understanding FASD (6) vacation (6) violence (2) Washington (2) website (9) When Love Is Not Enough (1) wraparound (1)