Saturday, December 30, 2006

Keeping the Family Safe

We made through Christmas perhaps one of the most difficult holiday seasons I have experienced since the year my older children had chicken-pox's.

Makala was so out of control every day--and raging violently. When I tried to get some help in our new town and state I was told we had to be part of the County Mental health system and that there is no place for us to take a child that is such a safety risk not only to herself but to her family members.

It seems that every phone number I called lead to a voice mail of someone saying they would not return until January something... Every effort to get help in our new state lead to a bunch of empty voice mail numbers. The county mental health lady told me it would take a good 6 months to a year to even get into the system and be considered for "services".

So, left with no other choices we returned to Oregon for residency (paying Oregon Income Taxes) and I let Oregon Adoption Assistance know that we could evict the tenants from the rental houses if we needed to--but, the fact remained that our daughter needs help and we can't help her right now in our home!

The level of violence has gotten to extreme and someone is going to be hurt. The recent issues have been every time someone says something Makala doesn't like she walks out and shakes the staircase banister--which is not fully-lose and a danger to everyone in the household.

We have been trying to use the "Safe-Holds" however our little girl is nearly five-feet tall and at least 100 pounds... Safe Holds do not look so safe or feel safe when the person is so big. I have had a difficult time even getting close enough to start a safe hold--and the last time I really needed to she kicked me right in the mouth and nose. It hurt for weeks and frankly I don't do well when people hit or kick me and I don't have to put up with being hit and kicked by little kids and I don't care why the child is like this--hitting and kicking is something I can't let happen to me.

We were able to get Makala into an Oregon Residential Treatment Center (RTC) not that this was or is something we want--but, the fact is we can't be good parents if our child is dominating us--and if we are in fear. Why can't this little girl just get the fact that we are on her side?

There will be meetings next week to discuss the options with Makala. I still can't believe we are having such a hard time getting the school to understand that she does need an IEP. When she is so out of control all day at school-she can't get her feet back on the ground at home. If the school would just get the fact that our daughter needs more then they are providing--maybe we could get her stable long enough to learn something.

We are do drained from all of this. However, unlike the times we have taken her to the hospital and felt terrible once she was admitted--this time the fact that they have admitted her to the RTC isn't so devastating to us. We are sad it has gone this far--but, no one will ever understand how relieved we are tonight to not be dealing with the scary things...

What a way to start 2007--and have all of our birthdays...and Mom will be here in a few weeks. We don't know how long or what the plans are for Makala yet. The drive to visit is easy and not too far away. We will visit tomorrow and then start figuring out the next steps...right now I am at a loss to know what the next steps should be.

So many people are suggesting we just give up. I don't understand why anyone thinks giving up on Makala would be any different then giving up on my biological children... Those suggestions were never made to be about them--yet, the world seems to leave an option open for my adopted child. Why?

It's hard when I say--"I can't do this anymore" to hear the responce be that I have done my best and it is okay to just give up. Or that sometimes things go this way... or that it might be best for Makala. I am sorry but, there is no part of --Your Family Doesn't Want You Any More--that could possibly be the best for Makala.

We are dealing with the fact that Our daughter may Not be able to live in an ordinary family--she may need some kind of full living situation that will meet her needs. But, there are many families who need the same services and they don't just give up on their children.

I am sick of people thinking Adoption is anything less about my children...

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