Thursday, January 10, 2008

I Almost Don't Even Know How to Write Something Happy

Dare I even hope the last to few weeks could really be a glimpse of the future? The Good Lord knows this mother's heart has been filled with hope and confidence so many times before. I do not believe in fiat--or jinx's--or luck for that matter... I believe that everything happens for a reason.

It seems that during the past 5 Years since I became an adoptive mother--most often I have words to write of troubles, sorrow, and fear.... Today is Gottcha day, we do not celebrate as it is just a reminder of what she has lost...and that loss has eaten up far too much of all of these years. Besides we have all four of our birthdays between January 6 and February 2! WE don't have time to celebrate anything else...

Last year on this day I was in tears... I was in pain because our beautiful little girl was not living with us in our home... she was in residential treatment, over the river in another state. We celebrated all of our birthdays in a tiny-dirty visitation room filled with old broken toys and decks of cards with missing ones assigned to the joker.
In fact we have not had a Happy Holiday Season or family vacation since Gottcha day... is it actually possible we just have just experienced some kind of miracle?

I have written so many words of woe I almost don't even know how to write something Happy--or even normal. When life is so full of stress and turmoil it can be hard to believe Peace and Joy have sneaked into the room! I need a dictionary just to remember the Positive Words I used to find so easily!

This past Christmas was filled with COMPLETELY NORMAL child behaviors--reactions and Glee! Did I actually just write GLEE? I received the best gift I have ever received in all my life this year... A RAD child who appears to be responding to LIFE Appropriately!
It could be the change of medications we started in September.. It could be that maturity has made her less of a baby... It could be returning to School with the boundaries and supports in place has made a difference?

I am not caring what it is--I am enjoying this time in life! The past several weeks have just plain been Normal and really that's all this mother ever wanted for her family.

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