I worked hard and called in anyone I could with any authority to insure we managed to get the correct Individual Education Plan - IEP and after a year of war and an attorney we were able to get a her IEP written as Medical-Health disability because that is have Brain Damages is.
The local school chose to use the tactics that would lead to Secondary Behaviors for children with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders - FASD, and are particularly common with those children diagnosed as Alcohol-Related Neurodevelopmental Disorder - ARND. Once that school had pushed her to a point of exhibiting the secondary behaviors and her special education teacher ended up with bloody scratches on her arm. Only to be put in the rubber-walled time out room for a period of time where she was able to process and walk out 20 minutes later as if nothing had happened.
It was the first time anyone outside of our home had seen that kind of stuff, the things we had been dealing with for years until we came to accept and understand the implications that Brain Damage were for her little life.
Following that event the local school decided she could not be educated with the skills they had to offer so her case was moved to the neighboring larger school district which decided the best plan would be to attend the K-12 Behavior Problem Day Treatment School, which has only one other Girl that attends...
Today, Makala came home upset having been playing with the boys who are there because they have behavior problems and her behavior modifications daily Progress report has some low scores. Makala asked me what the word "FAG" means and told me one of the behavior problem boys had said it to her and she repeated it--where the action was for both children to be disciplined.
I have just emailed the teacher the following letter:
I really am not sure how to approach this issue as this is at least the 3rd or 4th time it has happened to Makala over her years of life.
Last year she was given detention because a Boy in the class flipped her off and she reacted by flipping him off... The Problem Is that Makala has NO IDEA about these things as they don't happen any place in her world except Public School.
She came home asking me what "FAG" means and we only recently had to even tell her what "Gay" was.... We simply don't teach our children every slang-word or finger action there is and would find it inappropriate to sit her down and do so.
We have a daughter who is FASD and generally lives at the emotional age of around 4-5 even her own 6 year old brother asked her the other day if she has been 6 yet? And told me that he thinks his sister has a "baby brain"
We are parenting a child who has brain damage that Will Never go away no matter how much behavior modification anyone wants to attempt our role in her life has been to attempt Behavior Management rather than expect her to suddenly act her age. We understand that she requires repeated teaching of even some of the most basic things in life. I teach her how to wash her hair about every other month because the information simply does not stick.
The fact that she has a medical disability was confirmed with the consistant evaluations indicating that she has very limited Processing and Short Term memory. Even if we did decide to teach her every dirty word there is we would need to do this 10 or 20 times.
Add to this that she was sexually abused by an adult man and the implications of our teaching her what to expect from a school filled with Behavior Problem boys is wholly unacceptable. If Makala said the word FAG it means nothing to her except that she heard it---and not at our home or in any other place we have ever taken her.
I am not feeling sure that it is in her best interest to continue being subjected to the disgusting behavior of boys with behavior problems. I can only imagine how I will need to deal with any learning of the words "Blow-Job" considering the fact that her description of her sexual abuse was that a man went pee in her mouth.
I am finding it difficult to understand why the school systems seem to feel this is the place for One Girl who was sexually abused and has a medical disability. Her doctor specifically advised that she should NOT be placed with children who had a primary issue of Behavior Problems yet--two school districts have decided this is the only place her educational needs can be met?
It seems the education that has impacted my daughter the most has been all the inappropriate ways boys behave and slang words she has no clue what mean. We are not the sort of parents who sit around and allow our children to be exposed to this stuff in our home or where we go Yet, the Free and Appropriate Education she is guaranteed seems to consistently provide this as her primary lessons in life.
You are educating a child with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder FASD specifically Alcohol-Related Neurodevelopmental Disorder ARND who was sexually abused before she was 5 years old. Her primary disability is Not a Psychological, Emotional or Behavioral disorder and can only be diagnosed by a Medical Doctor. She is on a Medical IEP not a behavioral IEP. All the therapy, and behavior modification in the world is not going to repair the damage in her brain.
Isn't there any place that a child can simply learn to read and write as well as possible without learning every bad behavior on earth?
I have also talked with her doctor about your statement that Makala has "dry period" or the idea that this is all PMS or Puberty and the doctor told me he has never heard of "dry periods" and that would mean Makala has been having them since she was 5 years old.... He does not agree with this evaluation in any way and feels that she continues to be placed into the category of children who can be fixed with the right therapy and treatment. She Cannot be fixed there is No Cure for brain damage and as much as we all want to teach her how to behave the expectation that she can be Modified only caused the Secondary Behavior issues that are well know as a component of this Medical Disability.
We may need to consider some other educational situation as I need to teach her how to brush her teeth every night, and how to load a dishwasher every evening and where to put her things so she can find them... we just don't have time to figure out all the bad words boys with behavior issues might say and cause her to be punished for having No Clue what they mean.
SUSPENDED UPDATED: Sex and the 4th Grade