Friday, August 29, 2008

This has Nothing to do with YOU....

I don't hide the fact that I am the mother of a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder -- RAD, and Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder -- FASD... It is just a part of the story and as much as I don't like being in this position, it is the position I am in...




I have been the mother of a child with RAD for nearly 6 years now... (is that all it has been because to me it seems like a good 10 or 20 years at least!) There are few RAD symptoms I have not seen first hand and had to handle as a mother. I have not met many other RAD moms (in real life or online) who can tell a RAD Mom tale I haven't lived first hand... and there are very few RAD mom's who have a "better" RAD tale then I have... (she is only 10--give it time I may top them all!)

I know the isolation, lack of understanding, feeling of being the "unloved" mother... I know that the teachers think I am nuts to bring the subject to their attention after all my child is just fine "at school" or at least during the times she has been at school. Of course, my RAD child has not completed a full year of school without an interruption for the occasional Psychiatric Hospitalization, Medical University day treatment program, a stint in one of those swell Residential Treatment Centers, and my good faith effort in home schooling... She will start the 5th grade in a few days--at yet another day treatment program. Which will mean that for the 5th year in a row she isn't able to attend classes in a mainstream educational setting...

I am about 99% sure that sometime around the Holidays the "New Transition Plan" will be presented. Her "negative behaviors" will not have been seen in this environment and therefore she will be ready to return to a modified mainstream educational setting. The meeting I am asked to attend will include an army of well-educated professionals and a strong undertone that "Mom has the Problem".

After all my experience this will be nothing new to me... and I won't even bat an eyelash in fact I would be more surprised if this isn't exactly what happens... Unless I am proven wrong because "someone" might read this blog and do their best to make this prediction just another arrow to aim at "The Mother".

But, I digress from my original motivation of this Blog post, and am amazed at the satire of my own words above.

This post has been inspired after "MY" shrink appointment with the same doctor treating my child--who does Not bill the state, or compromise to the restrictions of becoming an "In Plan" provider for our personal medical insurance (which really isn't that bad)-- It was another very productive hour in my life of endless hours just being the best mom I am...

My 6 and 10 year olds know very well that Mommy has had some very major issues hitting right and left which for ONCE have little or nothing to do with either one of them... I have been an official patient of the shrink, my daughter has been seeing (for 4-years) only since this past April... However, I have sat every hour of my child's therapy on the cozy couch right with her... There have been many hours I have paid 50% of his billing fees, so--he knows Me very well.

When we were to leave this morning I heard the grumblings of the ordinary RAD child who thinks each Dr Joe visit is all about HER... The drama was about unfold and you know when it is about to happen after my nearly 6-year journey... It was interesting to see the look on her face when I said, "This appointment has Nothing to do with YOU, honey....This appointment is FOR ME."

She responded with a gasp and said, "oh."

"In fact" I added,

"This appointment doesn't have anything to do with you my dear. While you may feel that you are the only one around here with problems, or the only one who needs any special help to overcome them, you are not the only one with reason to need to see a Shrink."

The expression on her face was -- "interesting," for the lack of any other way to describe a child who has inconsistent facial expressions for the circumstance or mood she is in... Her facial expressions I have learned are not a reliable indicator of any thought inside her head so... Interesting is the right word.

At the appointment I requested that she remain in the front waiting area with the doctor's wife (office manager) And, as was to be expected she didn't really much like that and I asked little brother to come in with me. There was going to be an argument if she had her way--but, again I informed her that this was MY Appointment not hers and I intended to make good use of it and had No plan to break up bickering or put up with any interrupting... and added my daddy's famous last word, "PERIOD."

Our Doctor overheard me.

And, backed me up when the first open door to the inner office took place... He told her to please go back and sit in the front office it was, "Moms appointment today."

(MY Hero!)

....here I am at the End of this Blog Post and I have YET to get to my original motivation... I tend to write long. I suppose this will need to be one of those Two-Part blogs and once the bedtime routine is over I will post the rest of what I actually wanted to say today.




No comments:

Post a Comment

New Memories -- Blog Tags

abuse (1) acceptance (3) adoptee (1) Adoption (1) Adoption Committee (1) Adoptive Parent (3) AdoptiveParentsNetwork.com (3) Advocate (4) Alcohol-Related Neurodevelopmental Disorders (ARND) (18) anxiety (2) At Risk (1) Attachment (3) Attachment Disorder (2) Attachment Therapy (AT) (10) Attorney (1) Behaviors (2) Bill of Rights for Children's Mental Health Disorders and their Families (1) birth mom (5) boundaries (4) Case Worker (3) Child Identification (1) Child Rights (1) Christian (1) Christmas 2008 (1) communication (1) consequences (4) Contact (1) DHS (4) diagnosis (4) Disruption (2) Dissolution (1) divorce (3) documentation (1) domestic violence (3) door alarm (2) DSM IV (1) eating disorders (1) employment (2) Family (2) family preservation (2) FASD Resource (2) Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders (FASD) (24) foster family (3) Foster Home (3) Fund Raisers (2) Funding (1) goodbye (2) grief (3) home (3) Home Study (1) honeymoon (2) impulsive behaviors (3) Individual Education Plan (IEP) (15) loss (2) Marty (4) Medicaid (1) medication (6) mental health (4) mental health services (2) Missing Children (2) Mt Hood Oregon (2) Nancy Thomas (1) negative attention (3) Neurobiology (1) Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) (2) oxytocin (1) Parent Advocate (2) Parental Rights (1) parenting (4) police (2) Post Adoption Family Therapy (1) Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) (1) processing (3) propaganda (2) RAD Cult (6) RAD Mom (7) RAD Research (2) Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) (23) Research (8) Residential Treatment Center (1) Residential Treatment Center (RTC) (3) Resource (9) Respite (1) Safety (1) School (10) Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) (1) secondary behavior (1) Services (1) sexualized behaviors (4) short term memory (1) social (2) special education (7) Special Needs (2) Statewide Action for Family Empowerment (SAFE) (1) stealing (1) symptoms (2) tantrums and rages (4) Termination of Parental Rights (TPR) (1) The Brain (2) therapist (4) time outs (4) transition (8) Triangulation (1) Trust (1) Understanding Attachment (1) Understanding FASD (6) vacation (6) violence (2) Washington (2) website (9) When Love Is Not Enough (1) wraparound (1)