There comes a point in time where it really doesn't matter "why" a child behaves the way they do... As a mother I can sit back and analyze all the frustrating behaviors from every point of view and consider every diagnosis that may be the root of the behaviors. That's all fine and good it's always important to understand the underlying cause or reason for certain behaviors. But, it does little to change them.
At the end of the day however it really doesn't matter to me if "steeling" is caused from her Reactive Attachment Disorder -- RAD, or from the Secondary Behavior issues often seen in children with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders -- FASD, it doesn't even matter if this behavior is rooted in the neglect or deprivation she experienced as a little girl... At the end of the day the fact is steeling has become one of the top three behavior problems at this point in our journey.
I never imagined in a thousand years that my home would be one of those houses where all the closets and storage areas were locked up. My sense of family never included using Mighty-Putty in order to put big-old locks on freezer doors--or cabinets used in the garage to store the ordinary household junk.
I actually used to "judge" parents who would go to such measures rather then teach their child not to get into things they are not supposed to get into. To me it is more important to teach a child the boundaries rather then secure the world from their breaking those boundaries...
I don't judge any more!
To me it doesn't matter what "causes" this behavior--I have been working on that part of the story for a long time... and will be for a lot longer. WHY someone takes things that are not theirs and hides them--for no reason is just beyond me. And it isn't the only point.
Even if I had some respite and my husband and I could take some time and go out together, I wouldn't have any lipstick to put on as it was all taken, hidden in a backpack and stored in the neat fort daddy built. According to Auntie last weekend when our lovely daughter was invited to spend the night she was found putting aunties make-up in her backpack...
It was the same weekend she came home with a very nice notebook "Auntie" got her... The problem was that a few days later at a family gathering my beautiful daughter made the mistake of announcing the Lie--Fact again that "Auntie" got the notebook for her... Except that Auntie made it clear that she really had not given her that notebook because she had paid for it with the money she had....
Oh Yes, I had wondered where the $10.00 cash stash I had in the car had vanished... Now I knew.
And last week it was very funny when I asked my daughter Why she was using Old Lady cream on her arms? The $29.99 jar of old woman junk? She apparently can't read the words "wrinkle cream."
I could really care less if this is RAD, FASD or whatever... and if the game is going to be take anything you want then I guess I can play that game for at least a little while.
JC Penny's had to most cool standing Jewelry box when we were there shopping for school clothes. At $450.00 a little expensive to just buy on a whim but, after this week seemed at least one way I might Protect the few things I do care about... This one has several little drawers, and shelves with a mirrored door that has a Lock. It's not just one of those nice standing jewelry boxes but, a nice piece of furniture for our bedroom--and a standing mirror.
I bought the dang thing tonight... By tomorrow I will have another key on the ring that I always keep in my pocket and I will be able to keep at least some of my small special things secured from whatever it is that seems to cause some children this compulsion of steeling. It has not done much good trying to teach right from wrong so if a locking pretty jewelry box will help then at least maybe some of my things won't be missing.
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