Monday, January 26, 2009

No Surprise just Disgust

It has been well over 90-day since the "last" time we tried again to find the correct care for our daughter... I discovered this morning that our Second Case for "Voluntary Services" with DHS was closed--AGAIN. The only way to access the services she needs, is to relinquish our rights as her parents... That's gonna help.

Just the "list" of "things and issues" since July is longer then my arm, and that list would only include those things worth remembering. We have become so accustom to living in complete chaos with a child controlling everything--we don't even notice the little things anymore... It's hard to keep count or notice when it is 24/7 for six years... After awhile, it's NORMAL.

I am still trying to figure out what "Magic" words or piece of paper is needed to have her placed in residential treatment... Since the state we live in NOW doesn't even have it--I have been able to fall back on Oregon, but--no one seems able to tell me which hoops to jump through to get her placed there...

I have had 5 appointments with her psychiatrist since October. Each costing $112.00 our of pocket under or primary insurance. We have paid over $600.00 for a page and a half letter that May or May not be what's needed.

She will be kicked-off the bus if there is another problem. I'd like to know why anyone thinks WE might have better luck driving her to and from... We hardly made it home the 3 miles from Marty's party the other day. I guess, no one believed me when she was 6 years old and I started telling everyone...She isn't SAFE inside moving containers.

Saturday, I caught her shoplifting and the only feelings she expresses is that I am Evil for being mean--I guess, because I caught her? Not sure and today I don't much care about HOW she is feeling.

I called the so-called Crisis Mental Health line Saturday and heard the same kinds of WRODS I heard when I was a battered wife... "Mam, when you are READY to make a decision we can help you..." The Decision I am supposed to make is to SAY, "I give up my rights as her mother..."

That will only mean they stick her in a Foster Home someplace... So she can Get the Services DHS can only offer children in Foster Care...

Marty continues to suffer, and our marriage is stressed. Actually, not our marriage just every other moment of our lives day and night.

I am disgusted with the system. I thought all these Do-Gooder's wanting money to fund programs REALLY wanted to make a difference for children. Guess, I was wrong to think this since apparently all the rules and laws insure that at some POINT the Parents don't have a part to play in the care of their child.

It's a great way to keep everything that doesn't happen in a file No one ever sees.

It disgusts me that when there is REALLY a child with a CLEAR need of care (normal parents could never deliver) the only way to help a child is to Dump the problem on the State? It's clear to me that the only goal in treating Child Mental--emotional or whatever problems--is to WAIT until the child commits a horrible crime or isn't a child anymore.

The time when help COULD have made a difference has already been lost. Thanks to the approach of "lets just fix it good for now". Band aids don't usually fix broken legs yet the system seems to think just good enough to stop the bleeding is all a child needs.

If we had gotten her the help she really needed in the past--we would not be here today. I think the problem is that there is no help for some children--and NO ONE wants to admit that fact or do anything about it. It's just a lot easier to say, the kid was a messed up Foster Child who turned out to be a Sociopath because of unhealed RAD...

It's easy for the World to NOT see any of this -- no one has any idea how HORRIBLE it is to see a child in such need with a bunch of Stoned-Faced people who don't have answers...

As if the answers will be better if she got them from Foster Parents... pffft! Seems that children only get care if their parents have failed. It doesn't seem to make a difference if the Parents Fail because they are "Crap for Parents" or if the are the parents of a child with one of the Undiagnosable Personality Disorders that COULD JUST HAPPEN to any child. Can't Call it that instead we will call it every other letter in the alphabet and hope something Sticks!

...To help some children with the most serious needs--the parents have to fail. Is that even okay with ANY NORMAL PERSON? Seriously, is there one person any place who will look me in the eye and tell me that isn't EXACTLY what has happened with the adoption and post adoption of OUR BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER!

If all the "so-called" do-gooders actually stood up and Told the Public the truth... Bottom line is that a child with "Mental Health" or "Behavior Problems" should Pop up, the system is ONLY about determining when the Parents have reached the point of Failure. Then... swoop in take a child into "The System" and house them until they become adults... Cuz, that's all the want us to do.

Our system as it is Right NOW should be considered Criminal and Barbaric. All the while wrapped-up in Double-Speak and psychological terminology just so it all sounds important. Bottom line is that the teachers want these kids Doped, the doctors like to give them Dope and everyone spends years saying the same things over and over and over in one big loop of endless--Non Answers.

...It is NOT just ME an Adoptive Mother who feels this Pain! Trust me, in my 6-years of walking this walk the vast majority of Parents and Children I have seen receiving the same "Care" as my child--have Not been adopted children... Truth be told, I believe that a LARGE number of children WAITING in Foster Care had Parents Who Failed--just they Failed in a less Stylish way then I do--as the Saint who would dare to love one of "those kids."

And to top it all off... They actually force the parents to Say the Words out loud. They force the parents who have Failed to say, "I give up:. It's like a Game of Uncle. We either continue to Endure the Torture or we Say we Give Up... The State, police, schools, whomever--don't care because so long as WE Endure--NO ONE Else is obligated. We have to say, "You are NOW Obligated to Care because We Failed and Now Give Up our Right to say we Cared at all..."

At this point OUR family is no different then any other family with the Risk of a Child being placed in Foster Care. We just choose to GET here a different way but, it is the same spot I know parent after parent faces. Has to be because--it is the Only actual answers we find if there was anything different I can assure you I would have found it by Now!

...It makes me wonder how many children are Foster Children just because they had these Mental and Behavioral Disorders in the first place, and parents who were forced to Give Up and agree they Failed. Hopeful the kid would get help. I think it is a bigger problem then most Americans could imagine and I think it's sick.

Yes, I am hostile and upset at this time. Doing the "Phone-nice" routine and really seeing the TRUTH is so hard for a Normal Person to do under this kind of circumstance.

If the Do-Gooders really wanted to make a difference they would try to HELP. Maybe it's good the economy stinks maybe after Mass Lay-offs and cut backs for the services I don't think even exist happens perhaps some of them will start to speak up about the truth...


  1. Anonymous4:08 PM

    sad thing is there are plenty of foster parents out there that won't care what she does and let her hurt others...

    I think that is what most of DSS wants now a days..

    she is old enough here at 11 to be arrested, some people get help that way...

    her adoption sub is also supposed to help..

    is she not old enought for the boarding school now?

  2. Talking with other families, I have found these things vary state to state. Some are better then others.

    In our state--they will not arrest someone with Mental Illness (unless it's one of the big crimes). The last time the police were at our home I was told to hit her and lock her in her room.

    We do have an adoption subsidy which is supposed to Fund Qualified Respite... We can access the "qualified" providers as most are concerned about the liability and only provide care if paid by the state via Foster Care. The providers don't want to work directly with families.

    It's hard to find a baby sitter for someone who is nearly the age of starting to be a babysitter herself.

    We are looking into boarding school. The last time I looked hard most were for 11-yrs and older. Some will accept "troubled" kids others not. That project is still in the works.

    We are painfully aware of the fact we ARE the Only ones who love her and care...


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