After the eventful attempt to drive home from torturing last night, (and the lack of response from my 911 call while trying to make it home safely) this morning has started off with a bang! I wonder if all of the people who are charged to care about this society realize how empowering it is to watch your mother try to call for help and get none? It must feel really wonderful to know that at the age of 11 you can run the lives of everyone around you--and your parents can't do much about it.
This morning there was another attempt from our "little girl" of the tender age of 11 and weighing 150 pounds to shove her father of 130 pounds down the staircase as she passed by to hop on the bus and go play her games at school today. Not sure what the People who are supposed to back us up think we are supposed to do when these things are happening?
Once, everyone was off to their places today I pulled out the big file with all the Resources I have been given and started my rounds of phone calls. First to the school because it's pretty clear some of her current issues are brewing as a result of the things happening at school--You know all those "confidential" things parents are not made aware of. The county mental health team has already informed me I am supposed to Magically get an assistant for her to ride on the bus written into her IEP... Like that would ever happen! The schools will just tell me that if she can't ride the bus, then I will need to driver her. And we have already made it clear that driving her anyplace means there is a 50-50 chance we will have a crisis!
Talking with her teacher at the Special Day Treatment School in another district where there are 4 adults supervising her during her class time was a waist of my time. After all like her teacher told me, all they can do is their best to supervise her from 14 year old boys who are completely inappropriate and they wish they could be a "fly on the wall" but, can't.
My question is if 4 adults supervising her for the 6 hours a day, five days a week can't keep an eye on things--HOW the heck would anyone even imagine two parents could do even half as well the rest of those hours in all of the days she isn't being supervised by 4 adults who get to go home every night?
The next call I made was to file a complaint with the 911 system. Quoting from the county mental health handbook page 20 where it specifically TELLS me:
"If in Danger Phone 911--When you call 911, ask for a CIT trained officer. Crisis Intervention Team trained police officers are equipped with specialized knowledge and skills to use when interacting with individuals experiencing a psychiatric crisis."
When I was connected to the Supervisor of 911, he didn't even know what a CIT officer was and told me that 911 is only dispatched IF there is a Crime in Progress. They don't response to a psychiatric crisis and has no clue where I would ever get this kind of advice. When I told him where I got it he suggested that I call the Crisis Hot line again--the same one I called last night that told me they can't do anything to help with a child in a mental health crisis because there Is NOT anything that can be done!
The supervisor of 911 told me he would listen to the call I made last night and call me back.
He called back within 30 minutes and let me know that I sounded calm and under control when I made the call. That my calmness must have made the dispatcher calm as well!? That next time I shouldn't say anything about the Psychiatric Crisis in order to get a CIT officer to come and help with the situation. Instead I need to scream bloody murder and beg for help since I was being assaulted. They don't respond to Mental Health Crisis. I have to be being beaten up when I make these calls.
I guess, If I face this situation again I will just dial 911 and let them listen to what is happening rather then Exercise all of the training and therapy I have had which tells me I MUST always maintain a calm tone and be in control or I am wrong...
So, with the Public Mental Health people I should NEVER ever let myself get Hysterical or I will be the one blamed for the escalation--with the Police I should be completely out of control, hysterical and screaming for help or there isn't any reason to respond.
Then I called the County Mental Health Regional Support Network and got voice mail saying she would be gone on vacation for another week--and left her a message that page 20 is not correct, it's out of date or something. Maybe left over from some distant past IDEA of actually attempting to organize crisis support. Maybe some time back in the 80's the police were being trained and no one bothered to update the handbook? Either way the 911 system is not trained to respond to the words I used.
In the state of Washington the first finger is pointed at the Parents as the failure. It doesn't do much good to be a Parent who is Not the Problem since maybe they have so much success pointing at the parents they have had few circumstances where that tactic didn't work?
Now that we have done all the things we are told to do in crisis... and I have been so well trained to maintain my own emotions as to not escalate the situation. Now that we have used up every other resource offered and have documentation of how well we have BEEN WORKING with the System it appears No One has the Next Page in the Script Written... No one has needed to write the next page for the script given that these tactics of pointing parents to services that don't exists must just eventually cause the rest of the parents to just give Up!
But, of course, I can be confronted with the fact that "I am doing the Right Things and making sure everything is Documented" I guess, having a good record will save us when someone is hurt or dead? And, to top it all off I can tell these people that without the support of some kind of system It seems my only options would be those things that Most would call abusive. I mean I could have just tossed her out of the car and drove home--or found some physical way to get her under control which would most likely result on leaving a mark on someone!
Apparently, a Parent should have the Marks on their body--be violently attacked by a child and this isn't a problem? It would only be a problem if during our defense we were to somehow leave a mark on her body! And maybe I am being told that It's fine to do that since I have such great documentation and remain in control of myself? No one even seems to react to my suggestions that this system appears to leave parents with choices that really are abusive? Frankly, I would be surprised if anyone even responded to the fact we may ever leave a mark on her? The documentation apparently indicates she should be abused--locked in her room or a box we build in the garage.
At no time has any person in this house even raised a hand to her... She however seems to have the right to hurt us and make death threats, abuse animals, abuse her younger sibling and run every moment of a families life--she can leave marks on us, and on her little brother and we can be left here with all the services pointing us in an never ending circle of Nothing and that's all fine?
And, if anD when Someone in this House Snaps and Crosses a Line at least it's all documented--at least we have done our part in this... I can be pretty confident the parents in Our home will not snap and cross a line but wonder how other parents could maintain this level of Crazy without going over the line?
I am back to finishing up the paperwork to take the last step I think there is for ALL of the people in this family. I started in October trying to have her placed into residential treatment for Children her age with her Diagnosis--but, it's in another state so the Hoops to jump have been one right after another and it's been all this time to get where we are with that process--which I can't even figure out where we are? It's been another 6 months of Washington telling me to get this help from here or there and apparently we have gotten to the There again. I believe I am supposed to FAX a document to an office I don't even know how to contact in another state and wait for them to coordinate with Washington? I think?
All I know for sure is that the treatment center has Everything except for whatever is needed to have whichever Free Public Service our adopted foster child is entitled to receive agree that she needs it and agree to fund what isn't covered on our primary insurance? Good thing she isn't dying of an illness because by the time we figured out how to use these Free Services it would be too late.
I get the Point Washington state! I get it. The services my taxes pay for are designed to be a run around until my child breaks the law and is placed in the criminal system--or gets too old for the benefit to be worth anything. Helping a hurt, a mentally ill foster children be adopted and have these special needs considered important, doesn't seem to matter once the ink is dry. At least they do have resident facilities to care for adults... And by that time all the documentation will Just LOOK like everyone Did Amazing things and what should have helped was not enough!
Truth is, so much could have made so many huge differences but, everyone knows that if the game is played long enough the child won't be the issue anymore because the child won't be a child!
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