Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Notice to the World in the Event of something Awful:

We do not know what to do anymore. In 2003 we adopted special needs siblings from the State of Oregon. My husband worked over the river in Washington for more then 11 years and after the oldest child completed 14 months of Day Treatment with OHSU we decided to move closer to dads job in June 2006. Thinking it would be beneficial for our family.

This was the biggest mistake of our lives.

We have used every mental health resource there is in the state of Washington and been told by DHS there are no services left. In the past we were told that our only choice was to voluntarily place her into Foster Care which was not something we wanted to do to her. Last week we were told that wasn't even an option. We have access to Oregon Service (Oregon Health Plan) and Washington State Medicaid as well as our own Private Health insurance however we can't seem to get our child HELP.

Tonight we had to cut twine off our youngest child's neck. He has lived in this Mentally Ill home with his biological sister and been repeatable abused for his whole life. This morning the children were home from school sick and it was calm I let my guard down and thought it would be a nice day. At about 9:00 our son came screaming as he had just witnessed his 11 year old sister poke a needle through the family cat's ear. Our little boy wanted to Kill himself tonight because he doesn't want his sister to say she loves him anymore.

I spent the day calling and Faxing the people who are supposed to care. You see we have residential treatment placement for her in Oregon--near our oldest daughter who is currently living near the facility. We have had a place that is willing to take our youngest daughter since October 2008 and for 6 months I have done everything I know how to get her placed there. Only because there isn't anything in Washington except foster care.

Today, I was told (again) that Washington doesn't offer Residential instead they offer Medicaid to the age of 21 instead of cutting off at the age of 18... I could care less. We have funding for these services and when we agreed to adopt special needs sibling were promised this would not happen--yet The Clark County Mental Health lady seems to think that if we find respite things would be just swell. As If! And we have been repeatable insulted by these people suggesting that if we get a Break things will be fine. Sorry, a break is the last of our needs. When we have tried to find respite NO One will accept the liability of providing it for our daughter.

We have been told by the people we pay to provide services that we should split our home up and have two separate households. Nice to see that the state of Washington cares about families so much.

We currently live in a home with an 11 year old who we can't take anyplace as she attacks us while driving or steals things when we do go--I can't leave her at home with her father as she is 150 pounds and grabs his privates, or hits him--he is 135 pounds and 47 years old... The police have come to our home and told us to lock her up or hit her--even suggesting I be sure to turn my wedding ring around when I backhand her as to not leave a mark. The Highest level of Crisis intervention Catholic Communities suggested we build a safe room in our garage, only problem is we couldn't put her in there even if we did build the Cage we were told to build.

She has had two Psych Hospital stays, at *** in Portland, 14 months day treatment at *** Child Psychiatric, 3 months residential treatment at *** in Portland, a Year of level 3 crisis services, is currently recieving Level 2 at school. She has been kicked out of the local public school for assaulting her special ed teacher and currently attends a public day treatment as nearly the only female student. She has always had therapy from before the time we met her--and has had the same psychiatrist for the past 4 1/2 years. He has recomended residentail treatment and written a letter requesting it. He currently wants me to "Chemically Restrain" her. Something I shouldn't have to do and don't believe is something a parent should need to do.

Today, she has threatened to hurt me, kicked in the back of the drivers seat destroying it as I drove to take her little brother to a tutor since at 7 he still can't even say his ABC's and our home is a war zone we can't even keep him safe let alone teach him his alphabet. We have a cat with pierced ears, and a little boy who at 7 wants to be dead. We all have our own therapists, shrinks and have called everyone we know to call--yet, it's just fine we all live here like this.

When we adopted these children we were promised that we would have support for these kinds of issues. That was Not True and frankly I am at a point I don't believe Washington State cares one little bit.

I write a blog--with very few of the details just enough to keep some kind of timeline in my mind. http://newmemories.blogspot.com Tonight we will go to sleep again with dad and brother safely locked behind the master bedroom door to protect themselves from a Known and Proven threat living in their own home. I have been threatened several times today and just rescued a 7 year old from a suicide attempt--I have already called all the numbers where someone is supposed to help. I get the impression we are simply supposed to lock her up until she breaks out and commits a serious enough crime to enter the Judicial system.

And people wonder how mothers get killed with Hammers by 14 year old daughters--or why so many nuts go to school and kill people? I know why--it's because the system is all about making it the fault of the parents. That is all we have seen and when they can't make it our fault they simply tell us how sorry they are...

Tonight I am emailing EVERY ONE on the face of the earth with our story--and how Washington will wait until a body bag is needed before finding help for a mentally ill--Fetal Alcohol child we lovingly Adopted because we foolishly believed we could provide what was needed... There isn't even anyone we can pay to help. And Washington believes it's in her best interest to stay in the Home until someone dies.

I am emailing Every Senator, congressman, television news show! I am Emailing the world this letter because when my dead body is found--or our 7 year old is dead from his own hand--or my husband is arrested for a false allegation I want this story to be well documented and I want it to be known We have done our best!

Sencerely,
Anna Glendenning

Please forward this letter to anyone you know.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Thanks Dad!

My father isn't one to call often and is always forgiven for the late birthday calls or whatever. I know my mother always had to remind him to call his Own mother for her birthday! Usually, when dad calls he has a reason. Last night when he called his reason was Makala--and letting me know about Mia. Dad, has no clue how great his timing was this time and how much I needed to remember sometimes it's possible to see a miracle.


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Thursday, February 05, 2009

...A Parent is the one who makes the hard Decisions

If children were born able to get a job, pay rent and live their lives they wouldn't need moms and dads. Right! It's easy when we Begin the Journey of parenting to think of the things like feeding, diapers and teaching our child to walk and talk as the major responsibility. The reality is that childhood is long and parenting is a daily activity, even when they can get their own job, pay rent and live on their own!



It doesn't seem to matter how old and wise our children become, so far the best I can tell is that one of the most important roles I play in the lives of all of my children is to be the one who makes the Hard Decisions. The ones that matter the most.

With a baby it wasn't too difficult to make the decision the diaper needed changed or it was time to start toilet training. But, as that baby starts to become the person they are--it starts talking and giving a parent of piece of their own mind. They take risks, do things outside of your control, and learn to handle life from their own experiences. Sometimes we get lucky and our children are more compliant--other times we find we are parenting a child who--well, has their Own Perspective on things.

Personally, I want my children to become who they are. I want them to have opinions, know how to defend their positions, and understand why they have the positions and opinions they have. Even if, sometimes they have opinions and positions I can't agree with. I would much rather have my child be strong in their beliefs and viewpoints then just follow.

I don't expect my children to fall in line and become what I want them to become. I might have dreams, or have imagined them to be based on watching them develop but in the end I can't live their lives for them. I expect them to have their own lives but at the same time expect them to respect me the same way.

There is so much more to being a parent then the issues of taking care of a dependent baby's needs to survive. Sometimes being a parent means taking risks and making decisions. Some of the decisions we make as parents can be huge and may or may not always be right. We take risks when we love a child and face times when our decisions will impact their lives. Sometimes no matter what decision we make there will be an impact on our child's life.

No matter what we do or what decisions we make the fact is our children will ALWAYS grow up to find some fault in the decisions we made for their lives. They are right--we don't always call it right, we don't always make the best choice, we don't always know exactly what to do and parents always screw something up.

I guess, for me the goal is to keep the screw ups to a minimum and hope that my children always understand I made every decision I made because I love them.

Right or Wrong, the only thing I know how to do is be responsible for the fact that it's my JOB as a mother and parent to be the one who Actually makes the hard decisions based on the specific needs and issues for each of my children. Considering just exactly how often I am forced to make Mom Decisions I am sure I have made some real humdinger mess ups. I am sure I will make more mistakes along the way. I just hope my kids can recognize that I am not super human, can't see the future and have my own opinions and viewpoints which are equally as valuable to me--as the fact they have their own.

Thanks to everyone for your feedback on the "Gifts and Pictures" request. We have made a hard decision about this matter. We have shared pictures and have asked that gifts not be sent at this time. Not because of any "adoptive parent" knee-jerk reaction but, because of all the OTHER important decisions we are needing to make for the children the gifts would be sent.

Our children are not ready right now for gifts to come from where they are hurting so much. They are "dealing" with too many emotional and adoption related issues on top of the special needs they have as a result of prenatal alcohol and drug exposure, abuse and neglect...as well as foster care and adoption all well remembered by one child and scary to another who doesn't remember.

If I could have my way, I would much rather communicate with the legal office to establish some kind of communication between me and the children's birth mother. Just as we have with the adoptive parents of the younger biological siblings. I believe with all of my heart that Makala will need to have some kind of something as time goes on. She will look for her birth mother the moment she is old enough and have access to the Open Records offered in Oregon. Marty could be just a teen. A teen-aged boy with Adoption Issues and his older sister will lead the reunion.

For both children it is important we consider the future as well as Right Now. At this time, they are both dealing with intense feelings that are completely different about their adoptions. They are both in therapy and both have special needs that impact them emotionally. They have more toys and things then they even have time to play with and we are advocating for some rather serious education, medical and mental health issues.

We have been working close with our "Counsel" and our support system in order to provide for all of the special needs our children have, emotionally they are just not in the place where gifts from birth mom would be positive. Our decision about this matter is to work directly with the "experts" and service providers and have them assist us and the children in how to consider future contact including gifts. We don't want to shut the door, but we do want to approach this with only the best interest of the children in mind.

The one thing I do know about Decision Making is that it's a fact that a decision made today doesn't mean it's the decision written in stone. Decisions are always subject to review and open to change. The decisions made today do not rule-out the right to make a different decision in the future. It's a long journey to parent a child and parents are the ones who need to make the hard decisions--over and over and over.

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