Monday, December 17, 2012

What Help?

This has been a very emotional few days for me, and for everyone in this country. There are no words to express the complete grief most of us are feeling about the Newtown shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School.

Banning guns might make it more difficult, but the reality is someone who is mentally ill and decided to cause harm will find a way to do so.

The way I see it, the problem is the lack of support and respect being offered to Parents of children with emotional and mental health issues. During the last 10 years I have been directly and personally involved with Attempting to find mental health care that is even worth the effort to access.

My daughter has already accessed every level of mental health care, short of Permanent Institutionalization. She was placed in her first Psychiatric Hospitalization at the age of 6! It is a blur since that time and she will soon turn 15. She is classified as a "Line of Sight Child" Still.

Daughters are not usually Shooters so, I am not worried she may one day hurt too many people. In a way that is good... But, when I look to see what her future may be given her Multiple Diagnosis and History it is not a future I have much confidence will be very good for her. No one is talking much about the Young Woman with mental health issues. I think most of us know what they "are" and pretty much consider it to be self-destructive life choices and leave it at that. I have not heard of a woman ever acting alone in any huge violent way. Instead, our daughters grow up to have misplaced behaviors, and offer the world more children and hope they get the help they need.

My little boy is about to turn 11. I have NOT disclosed as much of the story the past few years, here on my blog... It became a situation that I did not want to hurt the children more by writing as much as I did in the past.

I am scared about the future for both children. All the Red-Flags are there and all the signs indicate...

I have not ever stopped looking for help and support for the two of them. The problem is the services I have received are Band-Aids in the moments. Each starting with some optimistic Treatment Plan, to be accomplished over a specific period of time. I have battled with the Personal Health Insurance company, and with the access I have to state services... I have used them all. And they are Nearly all the same.

There are basically two outcomes in my efforts to find and provide mental health services for my children with huge issues. There are those Private Doctors who Love the money, and have all sorts of Drugs to offer up and medicate the situation until the children are of legal age I can choose to do nothing More. These doctors want the whole rest of the time to collect co-pays and sell prescriptions. Long term monthly appointments since one, or more, of the 4-9 medications require personal contact with the Doctor every month. These doctors Love me as a parent, talk nice to me, give me hope, and see me and my child as long-term employment. They like to puff me up and make me feel good about doing the right things to my child. DRUGS.

Or there are the services that are offered for specified periods of time. Those are often the FREE ONES the children get because they Qualify for the State medical plan or Medicaid benefits until 18 or 21. These start off with Lofty Goals most often designed specifically to Train Unable Parents. Typically, a few meetings into it, I am teaching the so-called expert more then they can teach me. It becomes an unbalanced situation and because I have tried the "simple suggestions" that work many times with unable parents, these providers have typically come to a point where they do not have any better idea then I do about what to do. Or how to better handle the situations. Then we go through a period of time where the most ridiculous ideas are thrown around. Many of these ideas have not only not worked, but backfired so badly that more damage has been done. Eventually, a few days or weeks before the specified period of time is about to expire, these people are forced to somehow explain Why No Progress has really been made. The typical way they accomplish this is to document they did their jobs and the parents have failed in some way or another.

If you have not attempted to parent a child with Scary mental health issues, then you would Never know or understand any of this. I did not expect to have the difficulties I have, I had faith in the mental health services I KNOW are out there. I had faith in our school system, faith in law enforcement, child protection services and everyone else who was involved as an outsider in the very real inside issues I have faced parenting children with mental health issues.

It is a lonely world Here.

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