Wednesday, March 23, 2016

No Longer the Mommy of the Underage Crowd (Almost)

  There comes a moment when every mommy has to look up and face the fact, her little ducklings are no longer innocent children but have transformed into grown-up (or nearly grown-up) people that call you Mom. Or, Ma (which I oddly like?).

  All those amazing moments in time that we remember our little ones are just memories they remembered the way they remember them. (More about all that kind of stuff in a future blog post). We still see our baby when we look at the fully-grown man with a beard, a wife and expecting a baby of his own--is still that little baby in our hearts.

  That is a mom's perspective we will always remember the moment we knew you would be our child, and while we might mix things up or forget something here or there, we will forever remember the feeling of becoming our children's mommy. Either by birth or adoption, I should know I have had two of each. Two boys, two girls. Two close together, Two fours apart. One of each at a time. I tend to think of my mommy days as being a Noah Mother....two by two. It seems that way when a mom raises two and when the youngest of them is about to become an adult, starts all over and adopts two more. Add's up to 32 years of hands-on mothering of at least one minor child. By the time I am done, I believe my hands-on mothering experience of minor children will total of 37-years non-stop. Or you could say, I started at the age of 20 parenting my firstborn and I will be 57 when my youngest turns 18.

  I never got tired of being a mommy. Even on the days when I was not the mom I wanted to be and had to make decisions to adjust my own attitude or behaviors.

 I do not have a favorite age of child I enjoyed mothering. I enjoyed all of the ages and stages and to be honest as much as I did not think so, I found the closer the kids age to each other the more fun I had. The oldest two are 14-months apart; the youngest two are 4-years apart. It was hands-down more fun as a mommy when then were closer in age, although according to them it sucked as a child. As a mommy, I loved my little Irish twins and would personally recommend closer the better--for mommy. The 4-years apart was more difficult because of developmental stages and finding things that both children connected with at the same time. Someone was always either too young or too old for half the things I wanted to do with the kids. Which on another level has meant I needed to develop a more personal and individual relationship with the two younger children, that I didn't think of or recognize I might have needed to do with the two older ones.

But, those are just the thoughts of a mommy. I have special memories of all my babies that they may not remember--or remember differently than I do.

  It is an interesting transition from Mommy to Mom (or Ma, I actually kind of like that, Tori). I think a mother learns more about herself than she even thought anyone could imagine when her children reach a certain age where they start telling their own memories. Sometimes it's completely shocking to hear how our child's perspective is 180 degrees from the perspective the same child gave during the memory they share years later. I am not sure if the kid was just blowing smoke up my butt way back when--or if their memory of events is completely twisted, but some of the stories are interesting if nothing else.

  Three of my 4 are grown up. Four years to go for the baby! (I can still and might always call him that, because I call all 4 of them my baby!). At the end of the day and this long journey, I go to sleep every night Proud as punch about each one of them.

 I always believed I would be the mother of adult children much longer than I was the mother of minor children, and as far as my individual relationship with each one of them I expect I should have that chance. It doesn't matter if any of them call me mommy, mom or ma I will answer to any of them, any time, any day, and always love them all the same way I did the very first time I laid eyes on them.

1 comment:


    it’s very amazing. Thanks for it.

    koni penetrasyon deneyi (cpt)


New Memories -- Blog Tags

abuse (1) acceptance (3) adoptee (1) Adoption (1) Adoption Committee (1) Adoptive Parent (3) (2) Advocate (4) Alcohol-Related Neurodevelopmental Disorders (ARND) (18) anxiety (2) At Risk (1) Attachment (3) Attachment Disorder (2) Attachment Therapy (AT) (10) Attorney (1) Behaviors (2) Bill of Rights for Children's Mental Health Disorders and their Families (1) birth mom (5) boundaries (4) Case Worker (3) Child Identification (1) Child Rights (1) Christian (1) Christmas 2008 (1) communication (1) consequences (4) Contact (1) DHS (4) diagnosis (4) Disruption (2) Dissolution (1) divorce (3) documentation (1) domestic violence (3) door alarm (2) DSM IV (1) eating disorders (1) employment (2) Family (2) family preservation (2) FASD Resource (2) Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders (FASD) (24) foster family (3) Foster Home (3) Fund Raisers (2) Funding (1) goodbye (2) grief (3) home (3) Home Study (1) honeymoon (2) impulsive behaviors (3) Individual Education Plan (IEP) (15) loss (2) Marty (4) Medicaid (1) medication (6) mental health (4) mental health services (2) Missing Children (2) Mt Hood Oregon (2) Nancy Thomas (1) negative attention (3) Neurobiology (1) Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) (2) oxytocin (1) Parent Advocate (2) Parental Rights (1) parenting (4) police (2) Post Adoption Family Therapy (1) Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) (1) processing (3) propaganda (2) RAD Cult (6) RAD Mom (7) RAD Research (2) Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) (23) Research (8) Residential Treatment Center (1) Residential Treatment Center (RTC) (3) Resource (9) Respite (1) Safety (1) School (10) Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) (1) secondary behavior (1) Services (1) sexualized behaviors (4) short term memory (1) social (2) special education (7) Special Needs (2) Statewide Action for Family Empowerment (SAFE) (1) stealing (1) symptoms (2) tantrums and rages (4) Termination of Parental Rights (TPR) (1) The Brain (2) therapist (4) time outs (4) transition (8) Triangulation (1) Trust (1) Understanding Attachment (1) Understanding FASD (6) vacation (6) violence (2) Washington (2) website (8) When Love Is Not Enough (1) wraparound (1)