Sunday, July 02, 2017

Worry, Not.

  Sometimes, I cannot believe this blog is fourteen and a half years old! That means my new journey, has become a long road. As much as I absolutely never expected some of the huge twists and turns on my way to this point, I also accept reality and feel a peace of wisdom I would never have known otherwise.

  When I started writing here, I had a vision of the story I wanted to tell. I felt strong, ready and able to make life happen in a stable healthy way. I remember when I took a little walk that night in the hotel in Medford during the "transition" of my five-year-old daughter and one-year-old, son, I met the day before, would forever change everything about my future. And it did.

  "What does not kill you, makes you stronger." 

  Or, so the saying goes. I can reflect back on my New Memories with the peace of mind to know I have always made the best decisions at the time I made the choice. Always. Even in the times, I made my less than wise choices, my decisions to do so were right at the time. 

  I also have another motto for life: "Nothing is set in Stone."

  Or as I have accepted this part of myself, I always reserve the right to make a new decision.

  I used to worry more. I used to live in a constant state of anxiety. I used to stay awake half the night thinking, reading, and praying till nearly dawn, sometimes. Thankfully, several years ago I managed to give that crap up. One day, my memoir may include more of the juicy details, for now, however, it is enough to say, I understand twists and turns are just a part of the game.

  It is enough to say, that about seven years ago, I chose to change the way I viewed the world and radically accepted reality, and it has and is making all the difference in my life. And hopefully, in the way, I am as a mother, woman, person in this one life I have to live.

  Sometime during 2010, I had the great opportunity to participate in therapy that changed my life completely. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, DBT. At the same time Makaylah spent a year away in residential treatment. We both overcame a lot of our issues and that made all the difference.

Seven years ago I started with DBT and that made all the difference today, I continue to use my skills and have discovered Leo is motivating and interesting... And the Journey continues.

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