Thursday, March 18, 2004

March 2004

Originally Published 03/18/2004

Taken or Given--will it make a difference?
I am an Adoptive mother and I have a question I have not found much discussion about. I have known many Adoptees and of those most have done very well in their lives. Most have been sucessful and several have looked for their Birth Families, with mixed results. But the one common thread I have heard with all of them is that they cannot understand why their birthmother "gave" them up..... Even with all the logic in the world it still seems difficult to accept....especiall for my female cousins who have now had children. This feeling of being "given" away seems to hurt for a long time. And some of the Adoptees in my life have made up stories about why they think their birthmother made the choice.....most of the time the stories are sad, and involve a helpless birthmother who had to be only 12 or she had to have been raped....or some other drama.... As an adoptive mother I want my two adtoptees to know the history and understand what happened...when the time is right. My big question is---do you think it will make a difference knowing they were not given up but, "taken" away from their birth mother.... And if it does make a difference could you let me know what you would think the positive and negative differences might be?Our children have a life book to look at as they grow. Our State gave it to them, there are pictures and the whole story with no detail left out about why they were "taken." I often look at these books with mixed feelings.... How will it really feel to be told your mother was a crazy drug usere who didn't care about you?

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