Thursday, April 08, 2004

An expert continues to look for the correct answers.

When I re-read the open letter that I have actually sent to several people there is part of me that feels I was a little too harsh... blunt and maybe not considerate.....but, also there is part of me that is thankful I have said a few things here... to the people wh do care--who are trying and who I hope want the same things we do--for our children.Trust me--when we started this journey we had all the denial in the world....all the attitude that the stories were hear somehow would not really apply to our situation....HOW could they? We are older--expereinced--educated--and secure!While I might tell those who know so little that I am the EXPERT I know in my heart and in the back of my mind that one thing a real expert does is continue to look for the answers--solutions and trail and error is part of being an expert too... I would NEVER claim to know it all....never say there is nothing left to learn--try or experience. I think the most frustrating thing in dealing with the family, friends and local support system is when THEY think they are the experts.... To be honest is was in fact the 'down-talking' of a kindergarten teacher who had her first baby 9 months ago and actually felt she KNEW what a good consequence was for what I know is to be expected behavior--that set me off. Some people simply cannot even imagine WHAT it really must feel like to get NEW parents.....somedays I cannot even imagine it! There are people who want everything to fit into a neat package--and their expectations are unrealistic!I believe that everything is going to work out well--in the end--wherever the end is....but, even a year and two months is NOT enough time even for such a little girl....Time and LOVE and efort and learning and growing and an open mind are what it takes to be an expert when we chose to become forever parents.

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

Even when I feel hopeless

Originally Published April 7, 2004

I can assure you that even when you feel helpless or a little lost on what you are doing with the children you have placed into your care--you will still be the expert of what is right for them... Sometimes it is easy to be passive and think we don't now what we ae doing---but, the truth is that with love and contiued efforts as the parents we need to trust our on instincts...it is easy to let go of our judgement sometime during this journey of adopting an older child....but I feel one step that is important is our own confidence... Parents make mistakes now and then and it is not any different when our children are adopted....But, teaching everyone the things we have learned is not possible trusing in our own best efforts is sometimes the best we can do...This is a fantastic and awesome journey bumpy raods and all.

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