Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Late Night Quick Update

Well, at least my experiences can be of some benefit. Today, I was contacted by the County Mental Health Regional Support director who would like me to talk with the people who write and create the Handbooks about the advice to call 911 and the outcome I didn't have. Not that it will resolve the situation we faced but, perhaps if the systems of support know about the run around and the pointing in the wrong direction maybe they can do something to address these issues.

I'm sure I am not the only one who has found this circle of confusion unbelievable but, I am well known for my Letting people know exactly how I feel about things! I am sure many--if not most parents don't have the energy or ability to beat a dead horse until someone gets the point like I do so well.

Hopefully, tomorrow I can add my 2-cents to the situation and perhaps see if there is any possible way this loop of nothingness might somehow be at least discovered and if lucky maybe something done about it? Of course, I did hear the phrase, "Maybe, it's changed due to recent budget cuts?"

In my experience that phrase is usually just another red-herring so we will see--won't we!

Busy day today--so I will try to follow up after some sleep!

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Friday, March 20, 2009

Follow Up about my 911 Call

After the eventful attempt to drive home from torturing last night, (and the lack of response from my 911 call while trying to make it home safely) this morning has started off with a bang! I wonder if all of the people who are charged to care about this society realize how empowering it is to watch your mother try to call for help and get none? It must feel really wonderful to know that at the age of 11 you can run the lives of everyone around you--and your parents can't do much about it.


This morning there was another attempt from our "little girl" of the tender age of 11 and weighing 150 pounds to shove her father of 130 pounds down the staircase as she passed by to hop on the bus and go play her games at school today. Not sure what the People who are supposed to back us up think we are supposed to do when these things are happening?

Once, everyone was off to their places today I pulled out the big file with all the Resources I have been given and started my rounds of phone calls. First to the school because it's pretty clear some of her current issues are brewing as a result of the things happening at school--You know all those "confidential" things parents are not made aware of. The county mental health team has already informed me I am supposed to Magically get an assistant for her to ride on the bus written into her IEP... Like that would ever happen! The schools will just tell me that if she can't ride the bus, then I will need to driver her. And we have already made it clear that driving her anyplace means there is a 50-50 chance we will have a crisis!

Talking with her teacher at the Special Day Treatment School in another district where there are 4 adults supervising her during her class time was a waist of my time. After all like her teacher told me, all they can do is their best to supervise her from 14 year old boys who are completely inappropriate and they wish they could be a "fly on the wall" but, can't.

My question is if 4 adults supervising her for the 6 hours a day, five days a week can't keep an eye on things--HOW the heck would anyone even imagine two parents could do even half as well the rest of those hours in all of the days she isn't being supervised by 4 adults who get to go home every night?

The next call I made was to file a complaint with the 911 system. Quoting from the county mental health handbook page 20 where it specifically TELLS me:
"If in Danger Phone 911--When you call 911, ask for a CIT trained officer. Crisis Intervention Team trained police officers are equipped with specialized knowledge and skills to use when interacting with individuals experiencing a psychiatric crisis."

When I was connected to the Supervisor of 911, he didn't even know what a CIT officer was and told me that 911 is only dispatched IF there is a Crime in Progress. They don't response to a psychiatric crisis and has no clue where I would ever get this kind of advice. When I told him where I got it he suggested that I call the Crisis Hot line again--the same one I called last night that told me they can't do anything to help with a child in a mental health crisis because there Is NOT anything that can be done!

The supervisor of 911 told me he would listen to the call I made last night and call me back.

He called back within 30 minutes and let me know that I sounded calm and under control when I made the call. That my calmness must have made the dispatcher calm as well!? That next time I shouldn't say anything about the Psychiatric Crisis in order to get a CIT officer to come and help with the situation. Instead I need to scream bloody murder and beg for help since I was being assaulted. They don't respond to Mental Health Crisis. I have to be being beaten up when I make these calls.

I guess, If I face this situation again I will just dial 911 and let them listen to what is happening rather then Exercise all of the training and therapy I have had which tells me I MUST always maintain a calm tone and be in control or I am wrong...

So, with the Public Mental Health people I should NEVER ever let myself get Hysterical or I will be the one blamed for the escalation--with the Police I should be completely out of control, hysterical and screaming for help or there isn't any reason to respond.

Then I called the County Mental Health Regional Support Network and got voice mail saying she would be gone on vacation for another week--and left her a message that page 20 is not correct, it's out of date or something. Maybe left over from some distant past IDEA of actually attempting to organize crisis support. Maybe some time back in the 80's the police were being trained and no one bothered to update the handbook? Either way the 911 system is not trained to respond to the words I used.

In the state of Washington the first finger is pointed at the Parents as the failure. It doesn't do much good to be a Parent who is Not the Problem since maybe they have so much success pointing at the parents they have had few circumstances where that tactic didn't work?

Now that we have done all the things we are told to do in crisis... and I have been so well trained to maintain my own emotions as to not escalate the situation. Now that we have used up every other resource offered and have documentation of how well we have BEEN WORKING with the System it appears No One has the Next Page in the Script Written... No one has needed to write the next page for the script given that these tactics of pointing parents to services that don't exists must just eventually cause the rest of the parents to just give Up!

But, of course, I can be confronted with the fact that "I am doing the Right Things and making sure everything is Documented" I guess, having a good record will save us when someone is hurt or dead? And, to top it all off I can tell these people that without the support of some kind of system It seems my only options would be those things that Most would call abusive. I mean I could have just tossed her out of the car and drove home--or found some physical way to get her under control which would most likely result on leaving a mark on someone!

Apparently, a Parent should have the Marks on their body--be violently attacked by a child and this isn't a problem? It would only be a problem if during our defense we were to somehow leave a mark on her body! And maybe I am being told that It's fine to do that since I have such great documentation and remain in control of myself? No one even seems to react to my suggestions that this system appears to leave parents with choices that really are abusive? Frankly, I would be surprised if anyone even responded to the fact we may ever leave a mark on her? The documentation apparently indicates she should be abused--locked in her room or a box we build in the garage.

At no time has any person in this house even raised a hand to her... She however seems to have the right to hurt us and make death threats, abuse animals, abuse her younger sibling and run every moment of a families life--she can leave marks on us, and on her little brother and we can be left here with all the services pointing us in an never ending circle of Nothing and that's all fine?

And, if anD when Someone in this House Snaps and Crosses a Line at least it's all documented--at least we have done our part in this... I can be pretty confident the parents in Our home will not snap and cross a line but wonder how other parents could maintain this level of Crazy without going over the line?

I am back to finishing up the paperwork to take the last step I think there is for ALL of the people in this family. I started in October trying to have her placed into residential treatment for Children her age with her Diagnosis--but, it's in another state so the Hoops to jump have been one right after another and it's been all this time to get where we are with that process--which I can't even figure out where we are? It's been another 6 months of Washington telling me to get this help from here or there and apparently we have gotten to the There again. I believe I am supposed to FAX a document to an office I don't even know how to contact in another state and wait for them to coordinate with Washington? I think?

All I know for sure is that the treatment center has Everything except for whatever is needed to have whichever Free Public Service our adopted foster child is entitled to receive agree that she needs it and agree to fund what isn't covered on our primary insurance? Good thing she isn't dying of an illness because by the time we figured out how to use these Free Services it would be too late.

I get the Point Washington state! I get it. The services my taxes pay for are designed to be a run around until my child breaks the law and is placed in the criminal system--or gets too old for the benefit  to be worth anything. Helping a hurt, a mentally ill foster children be adopted and have these special needs considered important, doesn't seem to matter once the ink is dry. At least they do have resident facilities to care for adults... And by that time all the documentation will Just LOOK like everyone Did Amazing things and what should have helped was not enough!

Truth is, so much could have made so many huge differences but, everyone knows that if the game is played long enough the child won't be the issue anymore because the child won't be a child!
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Thursday, March 19, 2009

Thanks to the Clark County 911 Dispatcher I Called! NOT!

Now that we have used all of the Clark County Mental Health Services and basically been told there isn't really Anything Anyone can or will do to help children with Mental Health problems beyond what has been offered and used, and used and used. We were getting used to the fact that we are alone in this situation.

When I have begged an answer as to "WHAT" I should do when things are NOT SAFE at home, in public or for the worse--ongoing been a problem since 2004--issue of being attacked while I drive the car I have been told I should Call 911. It's even Printed on the Center Page, of the Consumer and Family Handbook, A Guide to Public Mental Health Services to Call 911 in a situation where Safety is an issue.

I have always done my best to avoid the need to call 911... I mean, it really shouldn't require the police to protect a family and the citizens from an out-of-control child. Parents really should be able to control their children well enough to drive a car at least!

Not always the case. Especially, when a mother informs her daughter that because she decided to Leave the house and Yard without permission unfortunately it was going to result in a consequence. Especially, when we have an appointment for tutoring because Mom has never had a moment of peace and couldn't teach a 7 year old his ABC's due to the constant 6-years of out-of-control behaviors making it impossible to even think about anyone other then ONE PERSON.

I should have just Let her Break the Rule I suppose? Let her do as she pleases and get away with anything she wants. After all, it's unreasonable of a mother to even suggest a consequence for a behavior that has been repeatable an issue and something that isn't permitted. Like walking away from the home without permission! I should have picked my battles the Therapists will tell me! Why push her buttons and Cause a Negative reaction? I should have smiled and talked to her like I did the first 250 times she broke the same rule! And besides--what's the big deal about walking down the block. Not that there ARE any Level-3 Sex Predators listed on the State Website of anything Right? There are just down the block believe it or not.

My 11 year old daughter should be allowed to go as she pleases and I should most certainly Pick my Battles. It's not like in a few years or less walking away without permission isn't going to turn into Whatever Other thing she decides she should be able to do! I'm sure I should pick my battles then too! Or when I find something illegal or when she disappears for however long.

Anyway, we barely didn't even make it to the tutors (because of the violence in the car) 15 minutes late. After all the tutor isn't All about HER so now she has decided to do what she can to make us late, like leaving the yard just before it's time to go and then assaulting me while I drive. Making death threats to me and her brother, spitting on us and throwing things at us as the car drives to the appointment that's not For her. She demands I should leave her at home so she can steal everything I don't have locked up, call everyone who ever gave her their phone number 38 times, or as she suggested today, walk to a friends house. I wonder which friend because our phone doesn't ring at all with anyone asking for her?

I should just Pick my Battles. And now she has decided to make it impossible and unsafe for someone else we pay $20.00 an hour to help her brother learn his ABC's! It wouldn't matter if the timing were later--Dad has been advised to NEVER be alone with her... and he has enough to do in life doing everything he does and 3/4 of what I should! I get no time with her brother anyway--why should I even think I could drive him someplace to learn what I can't teach him? Why should it Always be Daddy who is left to take care of my little boy?

Hearing him cry the whole way that he didn't feel safe in the car... with Real terror in his eyes because when his sister says she is going to do something she usually does. She said she was going to kill us both more then once on the way. But, we got there and he went in.

I got her clam and took authority, put her in her place and made it perfectly clear I would call 911 if she EVER did any of this behavior again while I was driving the car.

When he came out I decided to put him in the Front Seat and risk the air bags or the ticket I might get. She was in the far back seat of the van. When she saw this Again she was Angry--I should have put her there where she could grab the steering wheel while I was driving like she did in dad's pick up before we made the rule she can ride in the truck. NOT! So, I put him there to feel safe and just in case.

She got out of her belt, opened the van door while I was driving to the corner... I didn't stop so she did shut it. She tried again at the stop light and I told her if she got out I would just drive away and call 911--she shut it. Started the other stuff kicking the seat while I drove--jumping around while the car was moving--tossing things at me--and threatening to kill us, pop her brother's basked ball from the Harlem Globetrotter's.

Completely out of control--Doing Exactly the same things that landed her in the VERY First Psych Hospital stay in 2004! So, I pulled off and did call 911! Finally, Brave enough to actually call when it was a crisis I really couldn't handle... For 4 minutes and 50 seconds begging for someone to help!

I was told No.

I was told that an officer would not come and help me. I was told so what if I sat there all night until it was safe. I was told again--sorry, lady but we don't give a crap about Crazy out of Control Children or there Parents. And Again I was told We are on our own and No One Cares!

So, tomorrow I will have to tell all the people who told me to call 911 that the Police don't have any answers either and that they need to take the page out of the handbook I was given and stop telling me to do things that No One Cares about when I do! Its not a police problem... The Crisis line can only offer Adults Help, and our great mental health services providers all go home from work leaving the operator to tell me to call in the morning! I can't even take this Child to the Hospital for Crisis Mental Health Services in this State because they don't have anyplace to keep children!

I hope everyone wants this kind of treatment when they need Medical care with the soon to be Public Medical Health System we will all be paying taxes to have provided for us--for Free! I'm sure those services will be as Free as the so called Public Mental Health Services the children of the state of Washington Deserve! They may be even as Great as the Free 911 services was for me today! Wonder what it's going to be like when we start seeing people Die because all the Free Stuff Cares so much!

If anyone wants to Pretend the State of Washington is doing Anything Special for the children and former children from Foster Care by providing these wonderful Free Services then--it's all only on paper and because everyone Points to Some other agency or service No One really Knows what's actually happening! I never in a million years would have imagined this to be the wonderful services My Tax Dollars pay to provide. I could SAVE Washington a butt-load of money if they would just pay me to answer the Phones and give people nothing more then some Crazy Run Around that takes years to even figure Out! Why pay all these other people to do what I could do for $15.00 an hour!

How hard could it possibly be to tell people Washington Doesn't Care -- Deal with it lady it's your kid! HECK, I won't even charge $15.00 an hour to do that I will take minimum wadge since that's about what these Free Public services have been worth to our family!

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Friday, March 13, 2009

Well, since no one else seems concerned...

It has been months since we started working on the paperwork to have our daughter spend some time away in treatment. Over six months to be honest. There should be a million hoops to jump in order to make such a dramatic decision but, this is really amazing to me. What part of the whole story has been lost with the fact that there are times we don't feel we can control the safety of our own home?




On one hand I am completely dumbfounded by the amount of time things have taken, yet on the other hand I am thankful it has been taking some time. It scares me half to death to think of all the bad things that could or might happen to a little girl in her situation...so, the longer it takes the better. Right? Her File just wreaks of the implication that no one would believe anything she said happened is true. Just this fact is the big one that keeps me from making the last steps to have her placed.

Only recentely she has shared some of her feelings about the times she was in the last residential treatment program, and the two times she was hospitalized. While everything was going on she was stone-cold calm. She didn't show a sign one of discomfort, she seemed to like where she was at. During the past few weeks she has talked about how she really felt--or she is dramatic now?

It doesn't really matter if now she is dramatic about the past, the fact is she is dramatic about it. Even if she only remembers it from her feelings of today, she is telling me things about her time away that I would have thought she had felt while it was all happening. I guess, if these were not the real feelings she had at the time then at least now she is showing at least that she knows what a normal responce should have been. That should be a positive indicator?

Next year she will start middle school. Her annual IEP meeting is schedualed and I am certain it will include a transition plan. I am 99.9% sure that it's time to pull her back into home school or, un school. I have been involved with the State Special Education Home School lists for several months and learned some important information about what can and cannot be done with regard to home school. The fact of the matter is that middle school is a stinky place no matter what Kid you are, but it will be a complete nightmare for our little girl.

Our best progress and her greatest strides forward happened when she was able to just live her life as it happened. When she left the last residential treatment I home schooled her from April to Novemeber and it really was the best time for her behaviors. I don't know if it was just because she had just been discharged or not, but those months were some of the most peaceful for her emotionally.

Most babies and pre-school children get those early years of living peacefully without a care in the world. Her memories and the stories she shares don't make her early years sound very stress-free. It seems she saw herself as an equal with her mother and they were both little babies sometimes--and other times worked well as a team to solve problems. Like watching a house for a few days and being sure No One was going to come home--so they could go inside and find food and sleep.

Keeping her home for the next however long may be something she really needs and never had when she was so young. It's clear to me she never just played outside the window with her dolls while mom did the dishes... She clearly never had a time when peace just was what the day was about. Even when she was placed we were told she had to be put right into pre-school, I wish I had argued that point a lot more then I did.

...anyway, Like I always try to remember, a decision that is not written in stone or on a contract can me changed later. What I decide today doesn't mean I can't decide different in the future. Since none of the Official people seem concerned and we have 50 people to subphona in the event of a false allagation it seems we are really on our own with this situation. I will be pondering the choices and let everyone know.




Be sure to check out all of our fun pictures on our New Memories Blog and look in the trunk at the albums of our Past Memories.

Monday, March 02, 2009

What goes down Must come Up?

Or was it 1-steps forward, 3-steps back? Oh, it doesn't really matter because everything seems to be like that right now! Not even looking at the 401K, or thinking about anything that isn't actually happening right now.
Steady-state I guess. Things are intensely manageable, at the time and we have a few fun things planned.





I have been doing a lot of Faxing and it's all slow business. After 6-months, I have stopped wondering about why paperwork moves as slow as molasses in the snow. Anyway, at least I seem to be feeling better this week.
The kids are done being sort of flu-ish, it would have been better if they had just gone down for the count but, instead it was one of those bugs that just make body fluids and no sleepy restful times. And, I guess that's okay considering that I didn't go down with it either.
I wanted to just drop in and say, this week is starting out a little better. But, it's a lot easier to just take one day at a time, sometimes.



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