Saturday, September 24, 2011

How are the Kids?

This January will be the 9th Anniversary of my becoming an Adoptive Mother of my two youngest children. Special Needs siblings placed at the ages of 1 and 5 years old--today they are looking forward to celebrating their 10th and 14th birthdays.

We are back in Oregon after learning the hard way--NOT ALL STATES care about children! I would have doubted the stories I learned before moving to Washington State! All that I can say--is some states choose to provide their greatest therapeutic care to children--by doing so in the Criminal System. I am happy to be back to a place that actually tries to do something for children BEFORE they face a Judge. I will be writing more about some of the helpful and not so helpful services and supports our family has encountered during the next few weeks.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Bouncing Back

Now that I am the age I have become I finally have more of that "experience" everyone used to tell me I lacked. I try really hard to not think I know as much as I used to know about life with the twists and turns it can take. If there is one lesson I have experienced over and over again--it is not to think the ending of any story has been written--until, the story has played out--Completely! I realize it has been a very long time since I have updated this whole story. I guess, it can take some time when the ending we want isn't how the story was written...
At first I was in shame--me, HappyMomAnna the mommy expert and survivor of life's knocks, living a story that took a twist I didn't see coming. I thought there was no reason to worry about much of anything other then parenting the Special Needs siblings we adopted from Foster Care.

Sadly, I found a life where we the parents were divided (the therapists along the way suggested we were "ripe for splitting"). I had taken great offense to this label when it was first applied until we completely unraveled and as a woman and mother I found myself completely alone in the life I lived. Judged by my husband as a "major" reason our children did not Heal from their traumatic starts and simply become NORMAL without any concern for the details along the way.

I have learned it's possible to have such a great difference in parenting styles and expectations that a marriage can fall apart for the differences between the adults.

Like any other parents--divorce can happen even for children who were adopted. I did not plan for this twist in life and it's taken me a few years to deal with it all. This was NOT the plot I had planned when we adopted special needs siblings from the Oregon Foster Care system. I have to assume, our original Home Study did not reveal red-flags? It would have seemed the issues that came to light between my ex-husband and I should have shown someplace within the home study details? I am very sure having raised two children and been through one marriage already, my feelings about parenting and family did not change from the time we set out to adopt and the day it was clear we had two very different expectations about what being a family meant.

It is strange how life goes sometimes. My hope as a woman and mother is to teach my children HOW to live the lives they will face. I know life is hard and long, and I only hope all of my children will feel my love and learn to bounce back the way I have needed to bounce back so many times in life.

Sometimes, it takes a little time to find our way through a hard walk. I am looking forward to getting back to work on some of the projects I needed to put aside the past two years while I figured out just how to bounce back from the Complete Change my life has taken the last few years.

New Memories -- Blog Tags

abuse (1) acceptance (3) adoptee (1) Adoption (1) Adoption Committee (1) Adoptive Parent (3) (2) Advocate (4) Alcohol-Related Neurodevelopmental Disorders (ARND) (18) anxiety (2) At Risk (1) Attachment (3) Attachment Disorder (2) Attachment Therapy (AT) (10) Attorney (1) Behaviors (2) Bill of Rights for Children's Mental Health Disorders and their Families (1) birth mom (5) boundaries (4) Case Worker (3) Child Identification (1) Child Rights (1) Christian (1) Christmas 2008 (1) communication (1) consequences (4) Contact (1) DHS (4) diagnosis (4) Disruption (2) Dissolution (1) divorce (3) documentation (1) domestic violence (3) door alarm (2) DSM IV (1) eating disorders (1) employment (2) Family (2) family preservation (2) FASD Resource (2) Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders (FASD) (24) foster family (3) Foster Home (3) Fund Raisers (2) Funding (1) goodbye (2) grief (3) home (3) Home Study (1) honeymoon (2) impulsive behaviors (3) Individual Education Plan (IEP) (15) loss (2) Marty (4) Medicaid (1) medication (6) mental health (4) mental health services (2) Missing Children (2) Mt Hood Oregon (2) Nancy Thomas (1) negative attention (3) Neurobiology (1) Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) (2) oxytocin (1) Parent Advocate (2) Parental Rights (1) parenting (4) police (2) Post Adoption Family Therapy (1) Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) (1) processing (3) propaganda (2) RAD Cult (6) RAD Mom (7) RAD Research (2) Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) (23) Research (8) Residential Treatment Center (1) Residential Treatment Center (RTC) (3) Resource (9) Respite (1) Safety (1) School (10) Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) (1) secondary behavior (1) Services (1) sexualized behaviors (4) short term memory (1) social (2) special education (7) Special Needs (2) Statewide Action for Family Empowerment (SAFE) (1) stealing (1) symptoms (2) tantrums and rages (4) Termination of Parental Rights (TPR) (1) The Brain (2) therapist (4) time outs (4) transition (8) Triangulation (1) Trust (1) Understanding Attachment (1) Understanding FASD (6) vacation (6) violence (2) Washington (2) website (8) When Love Is Not Enough (1) wraparound (1)